On Thursday morning, your favorite actor/DJ Ansel Elgort released the full music video for his new single “Thief,” and, frankly, I am panting with stress and discomfort.

According to an interview with Rolling Stone, the music video was inspired by—wait for it—American Psycho. The song is not included in the new Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack, but it looks and sounds like it really wanted to be.

“I had created a character while writing and producing this song that was the ‘Thief,’” Elgort told Rolling Stone. “I couldn’t wait to bring him to life in the video. For the performance, we wanted something colorful and rich. We went with an all-leather outfit and neon lighting while I sang and danced, like an Eighties dance video.”

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Ah!

“Music should be art,” Ansel also noted, wisely. “Musicians used to play characters all the time: Bowie, MJ, Freddie Mercury. I’m inspired by those guys [rather than] the modern pop star.”

(My editor Julianne would like to note that this statement is quite sexist, as woman “modern pop stars” quite often play characters. Madonna, somewhat famously, also did this.)

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The video, which stars Ansel’s girlfriend Violetta Komyshan and was directed by his brother Warren, includes: Ansel punching the air, Ansel dancing with his hands, Ansel observing his muscles, Ansel sliding around on the floor in a leather jacket with no shirt underneath, Ansel standing in the night in a black cloak, Ansel looming seductively over his girlfriend, Ansel pouting, and Ansel glaring with intensity.

This really, really, really should have been the worst video I watched today.