Chill Elegance and Babely Dudes At the Insurgent Premiere

Insurgent premiered in New York City last night—or sorry, rather: The Divergent Series: Insurgent: Shailene Woodley Vehicle: And Cool Opportunity to Flex Our Colons: You Ain’t About This Life—and the stars were out to partay on this occasion of the release of a blockbuster sci-fi film!

Divergent was pretty chill, will probably see the sequel! Hopefully it is as chill as its star and captain of this ship, Shailene Woodley, who is seen above giving “take it easy brah” hands with two Insurgent producers who, yeah, probably need a little relaxation zone in their lives. We all do. But what was everyone wearing?

It was a cobalt-blue carpet, so really anything goes, but some of our faves were ready to flex for Spring in the, like, 41-degree heatwave that swept New York last night. Ashley Judd‘s Badgley Mischka gown practically wafted the scent of lilacs off its gossamer folds, and while Octavia Spencer‘s Tadashi Shoji two-piece was a little more subdued—and a little more avant-garde—the psychedelic print on her skirt also conjured a spring bouquet.

As opposed to Suki Waterhouse, who just dressed up like a woodland sprite in Reem Acra. It’s a good look, Suki. Meanwhile Zoë freaking Kravitz somehow gets increasingly gorgeous by the minute and it’s kind of not fucking fair? Like goddamn, Zoë, leave some hot for the rest of us. All that and she was in Dior Couture, with a cape, because life is a hellscape of reminding us of what we could be if Zoë would let us be great. Go ‘head, girl.

Oh, it’s Spring, you say! Mwuahaha, well, also this is New York, where we wear only black, to reflect our general dispositions. I get what Orange is the New Black‘s Jackie Cruz is going for with the croptop and the long-hemmed wide-leg pants although I’m not entirely sure it is achieved. Nevertheless, one must always emit props where props are due and anyone who wears a hat that signifies they are a parade bandleader is just fine by me. I almost didn’t recognize Rosa Salazar in this cute pixie haircut—she’s totally Zoe from Parenthood!!—but I love it. The two-piece silk dress and pumps are very French and/or ’80s Ann Reinking, but instead of flashing jazz hands she’s carrying a pillbox as a purse. Clean.

Shailene Woodley is phresh out the runway in Ralph Lauren Fall 2015, but I’m just not in love with the look. The simplicity is nice but the fit is wrong. Perhaps it’s because no Nahko? WHERE WAS NAHKO? Veronica Roth, who wrote the Divergent books the movies are based on and no doubt has cake coming out her ears, also went for simplicity in a navy-and-white gown. I want to say she’s going to a reception of sailors after this, where she will be lifted up entire by a fleet of strongmen, hence the ensemble—but nah.

Oh, boys! My private youth love Ansel Elgort, newly 21 years excellent, is seriously not shining the way I know he can in this suit with the weird stitching. Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely a shiny suit, but I feel like this is the thing my logger uncle in Olympia wore to be married ca. 1972? My logger uncle is chill as fuck but Ansel, you can do better, sartorially. Also, you’re missing something: ME. Daniel Dae Kim continues motoring on his hunky path down Babesville Way, but who is the person who said it was okay to leave the house in brown shoes and a grey suit? Points for flossing the full-blown NGAF, though. Wait—is this actually swaggy? Is it swag that he was like “I’m wearing brown shoes, a purple shirt, and a grey suit?” Maybe? Okay, decision reversed. Do you, babely Daniel Dae Kim.

Jussie Smollett, also crispy, as is Theo James, the other star of Insurgent, who most definitely is not Dave Franco. Whatever they’re wearing is both fine. It’s fine.

Now check this out:

At right is the British songwriter SOHN, whose contemplative James Blakeian steez graces the Insurgent soundtrack. I shall not take issue with his companion, who is unnamed and wearing an outfit I quite like, insofar that it looks like the majority of my closet. I just don’t know what’s going on with dude’s look? Is he aviating? Did he parachute in? Is he a spy for a special ops team hired by Trent Reznor to infiltrate the enemy aka… acoustic guitar music? I don’t know!

One cool thing that happened was that there were lots of couples, all of whom seemed to be feeling each other on a vibes level. First of all, please allow me to introduce you to Ansel Elgort’s parents and my future in-laws, Arthur Elgort (yes, the noted fashion photographer) and Grethe Barrett Holby, a producer and luminary in the world of opera. Don’t they look like they’re having the best time? Isn’t Barrett Holby’s (aka mom’s) patchy colorful jacket lovely and perfect on her? I do hope she will let me borrow it once Ansel and I are betrothed in our whirlwind May-December romance.

These other three couples essentially adhered to a dress code. Miles Teller and partner Keleigh Sperry are a tad clashing in navy and black, but they seem just psyched to be here. Maggie Q and new fiance Dylan McDermott are in a borderline canoodle, which is appropriate because canoodling is what I’d like to do with her Zuhair Murad gown, what a beaut. Same with the dress that Reshelet Barnes, who is stunning with her husband, Mekhi Phifer.

That’s it! Will you see Insurgent? What will you wear to see Insurgent? I might don sweatpants! Tell us in the comments!