Cucumber Argues That Ryan Reynolds Is Gay for His Own Dick

On Monday night, Logo gave us a sneak peek at Cucumber and Banana, the tandem new shows from Queer as Folk creator Russell T Davis, which showcase the sexual yearnings of a middle-aged gay man (the former) and those of young gay and trans kids in Manchester (the latter). And if Cucumber was a little bit painful in its depiction of lead character Henry and his barren sex life with his longtime partner, at least it showed he had a lot of sexual imagination: particularly, it seems, when it comes to Ryan Reynolds, and Ryan Reynolds’s dick.

In this scene, Henry (Vincent Franklin) has just had a fun night out with friends when he calls upon an old routine in which he describes, in great detail, his theory that Ryan Reynolds becomes gay for his own cock every time he masturbates. Henry is practically heaving—something he does through most of the show, which includes a compendium of crotch-and-butt close-ups. His friends are hilariously aroused, and not totally comfortable with that. The dispatch lady is fascinated. Ryan Reynolds is likely none the wiser. It’s a great moment in what promises to be a good show (if, as mentioned, utterly depressing), though we won’t get to see the whole of Cucumber and Banana until their proper debuts on April 13. (Until then, you can watch the full first episode here.) Banana also, notably, starts Bethany Black, making her the first trans actor playing a trans role on British television. Amen.

In other news: Ryan Reynolds got a haircut, was on Fallon last night talking about his new daughter who, presumably, was created by having heterosexual intercourse. Also, Ryan Reynolds does a great Aaron Neville impression, which is unexpected, though not quite as good as Jimmy Fallon’s Michael McDonald impression.