Everything Everyone Did Wrong On the Penultimate Episode of Looking

Good morning, fellow mourners. It is my sad duty to remind you that there’s only one episode of Looking left, and with only 27 minutes to go before the show ends (if there’s no season 3), it doesn’t seem like there’s going to enough time to give every awful person on this show their just desserts. Whatever shall we do?

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve really enjoyed this season. I’ve liked the growth that Agustin has shown, rooted (a little) for Dom’s chicken window and hated everything about Patrick and Kevin and Patrick-and-Kevin. I’ve also yearned for a glimpse of Bakula naked, but that is not to be. Other things that are not to be: The inevitable demise of Patrick’s relationship, any self-awareness he should have gleaned from his conversation with his sister which I’m shocked he doesn’t already have by 30. I’m also 30, a child of formerly conservative parents and just as self-obsessed as they come, and yet I’m able to have some inkling of how I come across to others. Why not Patrick?

But before we get too enmeshed in (just) bashing the “protagonist” of the series, let’s go down the line and recount everything everyone did wrong on this week’s trip to the library of mistakes.

Patrick even thinking about moving in with Kevin: Tell me you didn’t cringe when this happened and you are lying. There is nothing more romantic than being with someone new and feeling like you need to share your love with the entire world. There’s also nothing dumber than taking those feelings as anything but the pleasant infatuation that accompanies a new relationship. While it may work out for some people (I say, so no one comes to my house and kills me for not getting their relationship right), for a great many more there’s a lot that needs to be learned before you move in together. For example, how much can I trust you and how likely are you to cheat on me with another subordinate? For another example, how can you just be out of a long-term relationship and wanting to move in with me so quickly? See? Two important questions Patrick didn’t even think to ask.

It may just be me, but I worry about serial monogamy because I think it doesn’t allow a person to learn and grow from the relationship that’s ended. Does anyone else think that Kevin can’t be a particularly good boyfriend if he doesn’t even know how to end a relationship respectfully at the age of 30? Or that Patrick should maybe think more about how quickly he’s rushing into things—considering how reluctant he was to rush into anything with Richie? There are so many questions that need answering that I almost want to see a third season composed entirely of Kevin and Patrick living together and Patrick being jealous of Kevin the entire time. Because you know that’s what would happen, right?

Doris giving Dom money before she knew if the money was actually hers. Uh, always wait until the check clears and maybe make sure that your family isn’t going to contest the will? Like call up your uncle and casually drop it into conversation, like my former roommate used to do when she sold skin products.

“Oh, hey, Uncle Pete? How are you? I know we haven’t talked in forever, but I have an excellent business opportunity for you and I need you to get into it right now. Are you ready to make lots of money?” Except change everything after “Hey, Uncle Pete” to “You’re not going to be a dick and contest this will, right? Because that would be totally uncool of you, just saying.”

Actually, I don’t know how realistic that would be either, but it would be better than giving Dom money for his chicken window and then pulling the “my dad died” card when when Dom gets mad. Because Dom is going to get mad. I would also get mad. Yo, have you seen how much a decent deep fryer costs these days? (They are expensive.)

Dom’s reaction to Doris not being able to give him the money: Giiiiiiirl. Her dad just died. You should have waited to open your chicken window, you know? You’re like 40, so you should probably think about how money that’s given as a gift in large amounts shouldn’t be used immediately. Also, Dom hasn’t had a job since last season, right? How is he paying rent in SF?

Dom and Doris’ reaction to their relationship: I have no idea where the scene where Doris storms out even came from. For two seasons, these characters have been the only ones that have shown a fairly healthy relationship. They’ve had a long friendship, care about each other deeply and are more mature than Patrick and Agustin. Therefore, the whole “we fight once and I’m out” trope that the show was pushing was a little unbelievable for me. Why is Doris not able to have a relationship with both Dom and Malik? Is it because she’s grieving the death of her father? Is it because she’s realizing she’s too old to be living with a gay roommate who will never love her back?

I’ve also never noticed anything particularly co-dependent about their relationship. Neither one of them seems particularly intent on keeping the other down and them depending on each other in general isn’t so bad. It just feels like there are a lot of complicated emotions here that the viewer wasn’t set up for so all any of us can do is flap our hands up and down and say “well!” very loudly at our screen.

I will say that I had a lot of emotions when Doris wouldn’t accept Dom’s frozen yogurt. For Dom, food is so important and to have his peace offering not only rejected but basically burned down and stamped upon (because Doris stormed out) must have really hurt. I was like 🙁 the entire time.

Patrick being a selfish asshole and not understanding why his sister might be upset with him dating the ex of her husband’s best friend. If Patrick is going to get any retribution for his actions (and I know, retribution isn’t the point of the show — life is messy and complicated with all these adult relationships) it sucks that it’s coming from his sister, whom he can just ignore because she’s his sister. It also sucks because he and his sister are very alike, both wanting to be the moral compass. Except in Patrick’s case it’s a “do as I say, not as I do” and he constantly expects a pass for his behavior.

And why shouldn’t he? Richie basically gave him a pass for being an entitled asshole, his friends gave him a pass when he humiliated them and now he feels that he deserves a pass from his sister who — HORROR OF HORRORS — deleted Kevin from Facebook and demanded he not be invited to Christmas.

If you don’t remember from last season, the first time Kevin and Patrick made out was at his sister’s wedding where Kevin’s boyfriend Jon was in the wedding party because he was Patrick’s new brother-in-law’s BEST FRIEND. And now that Kevin and Jon have broken up, Jon is over at Patrick’s sister’s house all the time heartbroken. Yeah, I’d also probably have conflicted feelings about my husband’s best friend’s boyfriend cheating on him with my brother and I would hope that those feelings would be understood and respected, because they’re normal to have.

In any case, Patrick just gets angry and does that little crinkle-eyed smile that’s all “I’m a confused bunny, why won’t you be happy for me?” and is then overshadowed by the fact that his mom might be leaving his dad, so now he’s covered again and doesn’t have to worry about the feelings of others. I really liked the fact that his mother’s confusion about where to go in her relationship led to him almost having to examine the fact that he’s not cool with cheating but that instead of really wrestling with those feelings and thinking about his relationship with Kevin he chose to do the mature, responsible thing and decided that moving in together would be the best thing to do. BEST OF LUCK, YOU GUYS! ~~HOPE YOU DIE IN AN EARTHQUAKE!~~

Patrick inviting Kevin to come to the zoo when his mom pointed out that it was for him and his sister to talk things out. Case in point. Just like, really? You’re that fucking blind to other peoples’ feelings? Jon Groff is so good at playing Patrick that I find myself hating him in other things I’ve seen him in recently even though I know his range is much more impressive. So good work, there. Patrick is the worst.

Getting a really, really gay-friendly real estate agent: That woman was hella pushy with the “his and his” shit. Is she going to talk about how many “straight couples” she moved into the building? I think this show gets a lot about SF right, but this scene was one of the season’s missteps because it’s really not how someone renting an apartment in the area they were looking at would talk (BTW, that building is hideous IRL). I also think no one on the show has even written for an internet website on the internet before, because the way they’ve discussed blogging and being “the youngest writer to go viral,” (when Brady wrote his piece on PrEP) is so totally off. As is their whole thing on game design. Actually, that’s what this bullet point was about. I’ve just needed to get that off my chest for weeks.