The annual British Fashion Awards took place last night at London’s Coliseum, and it was a flurry of pursed lips, restrained ensembles, and fawning praise for the British fashion “family,” which I am imagining as the kind of family that doesn’t like to give hugs and makes everyone figure out their own dinner.

At the awards themselves, my dreaded unkle Karl Lagerfeld was honored with an Outstanding Achievement award, and Alessandro Michele of Gucci with an International Designer award. JW Anderson won big with both womenswear and menswear awards, and Charlotte Olympia was named best accessories designer.

Let’s dive in to the red carpet, shall we?

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Karlie Kloss both went for shimmery Amazonian glamour in Burberry and Chanel, respectively; Lily Allen is also in Chanel, but opted to don the label’s insignia directly over her crotch; perhaps this is a private message between herself and Karl. Gwendoline Christie wins for the sparkle crowd, I think, in a cracked gold Vivienne Westwood.

Model Jamie Bochert is doing a deeply advanced goth ghost of Versailles look; I am not as enthusiastic about FKA Twigs’ Calvin Klein ensemble—I know it’s supposed to look ill-fitting, I get it, but loose satin is flattering on exactly no one; god, okay, Rita Ora is wearing some velvet Chanel atrocity (“Let’s put her in a bib,” Choupette roared); and fashion editor Lulu Kennedy has managed some pro-level disheveled ugly-chic layering, which I guess is her job.

Salma Hayek has wrestled her décolletage back down to a beautiful medium-intense in this custom ruffled Gucci; Lady Gaga is doing her best I’m Bored in a shiny honeycomb Tom Ford and matching sky-high heels; Charlotte Olympia designer Charlotte Dellal channels a modern screen siren in this unexpectedly perfect color combo of orange hair, a red gown, and crazy blue shoes.

English rapper Tinie Tempah looks cute as a dern button in this white suit, although someone should have been a pal and nixed those loafers; Posh and Becks are giving off a very “we run this town” vibe in Burberry and Victoria Beckham, respectively; Stephen Jones, who Google tells me is a “leading British milliner,” is dressed the eccentric part; and Lucky Blue Smith, a 17-year-old Mormon supermodel, looks great, but that is his real name and his real life and can someone maybe check on him and give him a hug and a burrito?

I genuinely think Anna Wintour is trolling us in this Easter-themed mourning gown, like, who will ever question her? Jillian Hervey of Lion Babe is in a super cute patterned jumpsuit and looks to have a lot less formaldehyde in her hair than everyone else; Alexa Chung did a good job with this patterned bell-sleeved Erdem; not fully sure what Poppy Delevingne is doing here but it kind of looks like the Hamptons threw up on her.

Black and white was big this evening: model Jourdan Dunn found her angle; Naomi Campbell looks nuts in this Burberry dress/cape concoction; Mollie King of The Saturdays is having a vaguely unfortunate prom 1999 moment; and some person named Yasmin Le Bon appears to be rocking a brand new hemline that will likely not catch on.

Pixie Lott looks cute and simple; Arizona Muse is doing her Old Hollywood thing (if it ain’t broke, etc.); model Erin O’Connor rocks one of the night’s most interesting looks and also one of the red carpet’s most interesting stances; Kate Bosworth was like, fuck your rich fall hues, I am wearing baby blue and it won’t make sense anywhere in your fashion roundup.

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And I will leave you with the best photo of the night: Ab Fab’s Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders, enjoying some Sauv Blanc in the winner’s room.


Images via Getty.

Contact the author at ellie@jezebel.com.