A hundred years have passed since Justin Timberlake first told us about the movie Trolls. Over those one hundred years, he’s done everything imaginable to promote the movie, as well as his contribution to its soundtrack, which our own Rich Juzwiak described as something like a pox on humanity. At last, Trolls is out, and I’m happy about it.

For one, it looks like a good movie. So it’s easy to be excited. Trolls is goals. And how could you not love that. It seems like we’ve been hearing about this movie forever and now finally it’s here and I can see it tonight*. I’m thrilled. Way back in January of this year, I read that Justin Timberlake, who has truly embraced his dadness, was providing music for the soundtrack. “I’m so excited,” I both said and thought. “I used to have a troll doll.” Then, when the trailer was released in September, I thought to myself, Oh, a movie about the internet. Lmao.

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You’re wondering: What’s this movie about? Who are trolls? What do they “do”? Am I really excited? I am. Like I said, seeing it tonight.** According to Wikipedia, “The Trolls are small creatures who live in an almost perpetual state of happiness, singing, dancing and hugging all day long. However, they are discovered by the Bergens, large creatures who never feel happy but discover that they can feel happy for a moment if they eat a Troll.” I definitely identify more with the Trolls and not the Bergens.

Let me tell you about all the great people in this movie. Justin Timberlake. Enough said. Name another person off the top of your head and I can tell you, yes, that person is in Trolls. Gwen Stefani? Yes. Quvenzhané Wallis. Yes. Anna Kendrick. Yes.

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Can I reminisce for a second? Remember when “Can’t Stop the Feeling” came out in May and then you never, ever, ever stopped hearing it everywhere you (t)rollicked? Remember when Justin Timberlake was promoting Trolls and he said, “I’ve heard different actors that are parents who’ve done animated films, I’ve seen them say ‘I want to do a movie that my kid can go see, that we can go see together.’ I was always like, ‘Yeah, whatever. I get it.’ And now I get it”? I liked that.

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This feels like the movie I’ve been waiting on my whole life. You can’t see me right now but I’m happy.


*But what does “tonight” really mean if time is just a construct?

**Actually, I’m going to watch Moonlight again, and you should too