Jennifer Lopez Brings the Block to Vegas With New Residency!

Vegas used to be the city where ancient icons went to live out their days singing torch songs for chain-smoking 100-year-olds who needed a break from the nickel slots. Since the corporate EDM explosion of the 2010s, however, it has become 100% more habitable for those of us under the age of 90—a locale of club culture, bro beats, and bedazzlement—and the hallowed capital of plinking white-noise has just received its latest prize: a contract with pop star Jennifer Lopez, who begins her stay at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in January 2016.

J.Lo announced her new plans on American Idol Tuesday night, according to Billboard, whose employees were apparently watching. Tickets will go on sale this Saturday, May 16, which is also my and Janet Jackson’s birthday. Coincidence?

In a statement, Lopez revealed that, “I’ve been preparing for this moment my entire life.” Same here, La Lopez! “The show is going to be a multifaceted high energy Jenny from the Block party, mixing all aspects of what my fans and I love—Dance, Hip Hop, Latin and Pop. It’s going to be the show I’ve always dreamt of creating.”

I’ll let that little grammar error slide because I would like to be first in line for this multifacted high energy experience of Dance, Hip Hop, Latin and Pop. Considering that she has only recently fulfilled her dream of touring the world—as chronicled in her HBO special, Jennifer Lopez: Dance Again—it’s nice to see her knocking off checks on her bucket list at this stage in the game.

Of course, the looming specter here is that at present, Mariah Carey is also doing a residency in Las Vegas—a fellow pop diva with whom La Lopez has been allegedly beefing since the 1990s. Imagine the possibilities for public redemption, the two of them collaborating on their collective fantasias with a surprise duet of, um… “Islands in the Stream”? Something! But it’s just a pipe dream, as Carey’s Vegas run is scheduled to end in July. We can only dream.