Images via Getty.

At this point it’s probably overdone to get slack-jawed when visualizing Jennifer Lopez’s actual number of years on this earth compared to the fountain of youth emanating from her visage, but this may be an exception: Thursday night at the Latin Billboard Awards, Lopez went as an in-process crocheted performance art project about the sanguinity of women and the elasticity of the body, a.k.a. a Fall 2017 Julien McDonald that is inspiring me (I always say this) to go ring up a trainer (I won’t).

Because it was in Miami where it is warm, there were many other lovely red carpet revelations, and a few fine entries vying for the Ms. Club Liv crown. Shall we?

Angelica Celaya is not only giving us some classic old-Hollywood star—her vaguely Warholian gown pattern looks like newspaper print—combined with the red dye job she is fully Brenda Starr, embodied. Becky G’s crepe Marmar Halim look is simple and deceptively revealing; what is not deceptive are the femme fatale powerhouses that are Jackie Cruz and Monique MoMo Gonzalez, who are balancing the flesh with really classic, feminine structures, and I applaud them.

So much shine! Fanny Lu’s glimmery champagne dress is really getting me, in part because it’s so rare we see a boat neckline on an evening gown, particularly one that glimmers so prettily like a chandelier. Horacio Palencia and guest (she is unidentified in the Getty credits, which is rude) are making me proud of my culture, so much Sinaloa fabulosity and your girl stepping out in WATERMELON stilettos. Mariana Atencio’s structured sweetheart gown is stiff and pretty, and while at first I wasn’t feeling Natti Natasha’s sequined wave gown, it has grown on me, just because it’s bold and, you know, has waves on it.

In case you forgot that it’s spring, Aracely Arámbula and Danna Paola are here with sheer florals to remind you. Mirella Cesa’s two-piece gown with the contrast stitching is both prescient—with the early 2000s coming back, prepare for everything to have contrast stitching—and gorgeously representative of her Ecuadorian culture, as ever piling on the jewelry in a way I wish more people would deign to accessorize on a red carpet. Rosina Grosso also has some spring vibes, and I’m interested in this dress because it’s both sheer and oversized. I don’t know if I like it, but I’m definitely curious about it.

Gente de Zona are looking extremely cool in tiger striped smoking jackets and nighttime shades; J Balvin and Sky could take a cue from them in duet red carpet fashion. Here I would like you to note that La Divaza and outrageous-red-carpet-staple Motiff are wearing the same graph-pattern pants. Escandalo! Who do you think did it better? Is it okay if my vote is neither.

Can one go wrong with a pantsuit? Perhaps. Ana María Polo’s high contrast pattern is unique, though my eye keeps traveling to that one errant fern on the right. I wish it were gone? Why not just keep the patterning to one side? We will never know. Curiouser is Eva Longoria’s jacket, which has cut-out arms to make it look like, I guess, that she has draped it on her shoulders? The construction is like something I would have made in the “architecture” unit in my eighth grade wood shop class. (My bridge collapsed.) Olga Tañon’s hat, hair, and make-up are just flawless, but the fit on that suit is not working, nor is the heaviness of the inky shade; I wish she’d just gone with a light linen smock or caftan. But I’m not her stylist.

I APPLAUD Bryant Meyers for showing the world that the unicorn craze is not just for girls, and for matching the soles of his kicks to his shirt. Chiquis Rivera is schooling us on how to show skin in a voluminous plus size velvet gown and completely destroy the competition. The fabric is perhaps a bit heavy for the season but let’s take the L. Gloria Peralta’s simplicity—the updo, the keyhole neckline, the perfect tomato red—is also really winning here. She’s also almost camo with the carpet, but it works, like she’s a magical being conjuring up from below.

Shiny! Alexandra Pomales’s rose-gold shift is right on trend, while Alexandria Olavarria’s gradient sequin number is—not quite, but I’ll be thinking about it. I think I like it. What I definitely am feeling is Daniela Botero’s ex machina look, complete with shiny face gloss and severe eye make-up; she looks like a CEO from the future. Patricia Zavala’s beaded cut-out gown is lovely, very Miss Venezuela.

Kate Del Castillo is wearing a galaxy on her dress, and La Gatita is looking extremely proper and regal. Now let’s talk about dude from REIK’s mandals. Men who are reading this, would you open-toe with a baggy double-breasted suit? And if so, would you on a red carpet?

Perhaps not the best-dressed man on this carpet but absolutely my favorite: Sensato, doing full Gucci with what appears to be a fur dickey and matching hat band? What is this, my dude? And why all the swag? Sofia Reyes looks like she’s floating in that Midsummer Night’s Dream of a gown, and Yandel is giving us Napoleon stance in a yellow-gold lamé tuxedo. Aren’t we fancy!