Kanye's Exciting Fashion Week Show, in Tweets (And a New Song!)

Hypebeasts and their newborn cousins, athleisure stans, have been collectively losing their shit over the impending release of Kanye West’s Adidas sneaker, the Yeezy, which looks like the Marty McFly as interpreted by Creative Recreation, and/or something that belongs on the foot of a baby.

Today, as New York Fashion Week celebrates its jubilance for what we will be wearing next winter, West himself debuted the shoe and accompanying clothing line. The tweets from those in attendance were excited, but also carried an undercurrent of utter boredom, which was awesome to watch from the confines of this office. Let’s take a peek.

Even though it is incredibly tempting to write gossipy, tabloid copy about this tweet (“WINTOUR OF HER DISCONTENT! KANYE SHELVES ANNA IN A CHILLY THIRD ROW!”) it is more likely that she was an early arrival, and just happened to plop herself on a perch where she could better see. Because for real, if she weren’t frowing, don’t you think she would just up and leave?

Oh god but it’s so dark in there, too. Also, I am not sure “chillin” is the correct word to describe what these models are doing. Don’t you understand this is Kanye, and fashion shows are Performance Art? God, John Koblin, what the hell, man.

See what I mean? So Kanye, who hates any color that is not a hue of neutral, is forever influenced by performance artist Vanessa Beecroft—she’s collaborated with him on several installations, came up with the concept for the “Only One” video, and she basically imbued the Yeezus tour with a replica of her performance pieces. This line-up, too, looks directly on-the-nose Beecroft; she probably helped. Also, not trying to wear camel-tone underwear in public.

NO STARGAZING ALLOWED AT THIS FASHION SHOW, BECAUSE WHAT IS FASHION IF NOT FOR GAWKING AT CELEBRITIES, AMIRITE?

Maybe at… that insane distressed sweater in army green? Is this supposed to symbolize the trials and tribulations Kanye faces every day in these skreets? Gonna venture yes.

Bieber’s wax figure arrived in a day-appropriate Michael Jackson jacket and hair helmet, looking… vulnerable in the low, rose-tinted light.

Same. Right now I am thinking about how those Beecroft outfits are basically the gradient shades of pantyhose you get in the egg at the Duane Reade.

YO VIC MENSA AND SIA THOUGH! FINNA BE FIRE! *dut dut dut robot voice* HERE'S A SAMPLE:

Influences: Donald Duck, Kim Kardashian’s Max Mara camelhair coat (I love it too, but not wearing it as pants), Céline, Kim Kardashian, the pantyho aisle at the Duane Reade. Also, maybe, paratroopers? And minimalism.

It is what it is. I’m not wearing my leotard in the club, but it’s a marked improvement on West’s past fashion ventures, which were slightly more maximalist (LOL!) and explored higher end women’s clothing in various ill-advised methods, like when he crafted vests from astrakhan, which makes me want to throw up just thinking about it. With streetwear and cleaner lines, he seems surer-footed, and this is the kind of thing that he and his wife wear all the time anyway—full body stockings in hues that could disappear into the paint job, if necessary. I’m calling this look “museum ninja,” for when you’re at the Louvre and you don’t want anyone to know. Famous-person camo.

Anna Wintour seems to find crying children… distasteful. Beyoncé and Jay are processing their thoughts. Kim is probably thinking about the future, when she will be forced to wear taupe for another entire season. Taupe is Kanye’s favorite color.

New York Fashion Week will continue for the next longest seven days of your life.