My Favorite Lines from the Premiere of Sex Box, With Zero Context 

Somehow Sex Box wasn’t viral marketing for some near-future thriller: it’s a real television show that premiered Friday, on We TV, in which ailing couples receive counseling from therapists, and then have sex in a sound-proof box onstage in front of a live studio audience. Rather than waxing poetic about all the weird slinky polyester pajamas shining eerily under the spotlights, I’ll simply provide my favorite lines, completely devoid of context:

“If you can’t handle enough energy with one woman, why do you want two?”

“It’s almost, like, Brandon, you use jokes to hide something. Have you always used jokes to hide something?”

“What does it involve?” “He has an orgasm and I don’t.”

“In my Beverly Hills practice…”

“I have never seen emotional growth that fast.” (It’s almost like this is an artificial narrative massaged to create dramatic tension and resolution for television!)

“We’d love for you guys to rate from one to ten Brandon’s performance.”

“I’ve been trying to figure out, how do I have my cake and eat it, too?”

“So you’re looking to keep things as they are but also bring in another partner so that the three of you have what some people would call a ‘thrupple.'”

“When you go into the Sex Box and have sex, you’re going to come out and your oxytocin’s gonna be high and you’re gonna at your most honest and your most vulnerable.”

“What’s great about the Sex Box is…”

“The Sex Box was able to help you really find that compromise.”

“Are you ready to enter the Sex Box?”

“I would like to make her have orgasms more.” Yes, very good.