No, Marc Jacobs. Stop This Male Flip-Flop Travesty Right This Second.

In the past few years, fashion has made way for the pool slide, the Birkenstock, the Teva. Fashion has even given credence to the flatform flip-flop, an iffy selection at best but defensible given the context of ‘90s and ‘00s revivalism. But Marc Jacobs, in his latest Spring 2016 Men’s Collection, has taken the fugly shoe fetish too goddamn far.

Paying homage to the hippie-nostalgia, pre-grunge looks of the Black Crowes’ Chris Robinson, and somehow perfectly capturing my personal hellzone, Jacobs showed suits in UPS brown and cream velvet pants and jackets, all paired with flat, mushy, cloth-padded flip-flops for men that are the actual devil. These shoes are the actual goddamn devil.

(Nineties-related aside: I had a t-shirt in that exact black/white/grey pattern circa 1993. It was a ribbed baby doll tee and it was from The Limited.)

WWD writes fiendishly that the collection is “another hit for spring—a mash-up of military uniforms and Japanese boudoir silks for the brand’s touchstone archetype, the East Village hipster.” Very cleverly, the footwear goes unnoticed, presumably because the reviewer was utterly speechless at the thought. Furthermore, these clothes are definitely for the “East Village hipster,” if said “East Village hipster” had locked you in his aforementioned boudoir while sniffing piles of cocaine day in, day out. (Seriously, does that look on the right include a loosely knotted tie? Hasn’t the East Village been denigrated enough, without Marc Jacobs attempting to make its denizens look like a mutant child of strung-out Jim Morrison and Weekend at Bernie’s?)

There are some very nice looks in this collection, including some lovely male footwear with which I take no umbrage. The inclusion of these man flip-flops, however, is straight-up appalling.