Rihanna is the most important millennial of our time. The Rihanna Rihport is where we chronicle the magnitude of her lived existence.

RIHANNA, January 11— A Los Angeles shopping mall was reportedly overrun with horses, cameras, and props Saturday night in a very serious event called A RIHANNA AND DRAKE VIDEO SHOOT, BISHEZ!!! WE HAVE A RIHMERGENCY!!

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OKAY, here’s what went down in the holy vicinity of our savior and qween RIHZUS CHRIST! As recorded by THE FANS! So people were like, “Oh shit, why is there a horse at Eagle Rock Plaza” which is a mall in Eagle Rock in Los Angeles, and then some other people were like, OH SHIT WHY IS THAT HORSE COVERED IN THE VUITTON LOGO JUST LIKE LIL KIM IN THAT DAVID LACHAPPELLE SHOOT!

And then some other people were like, Oh shit it’s a horse and a YUGO in the Vuitton logo and it’s not some weird art shit but it’s RIHANNA and DRAKE! And people were FREAKING OUT!!!!

So then some other sleuth-eyed Navy found this “Casting Notice” that said the shoot was for a song called “Work” by Rihanna featuring Drake—which means, my fellow worshippers in the glory of Navydom, that ANTI- is one more song closer to being DROPPED! Could it possibly be true? All signs point to... MAYBE!!!!

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Another supposed and probably-fake tracklist leaked last week and “Work” wasn’t on it, but a song called “1988" featuring Drake was, so, you never know! Also she had a song on there called “POSE” which almost certainly means Rihanna is the latest to jump on the VOGUE HOUSE TRAIN, QUE NO?! AHHH!

BACK TO THE POINT AT HAND! Some very smart and dedicated Navy fans recorded some snippets of this song supposedly called “Work,” and yes indeed it is Rihanna featuring Drake, our RIHZUS singing like the heavenly angel she is along with a guy from CANADA! ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!

Riri sounding gooood!!!

Dreezy sounding sadddd :(

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BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY HARMONIZE, Y’ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If ANTI- is coming soon, will it come sooner than Swish, which Kanye West announced will be out on February 11, which is also the first day of New York Fashion week. If the fake tracklist is right, will it come out February 12, which is a more standard release day as it is a Friday, and if so will Rih and Kanye be COMPETING or, even worse, WILL THEY ONLY BE RELEASED ON TIDAL?! Please, Rihzy, say it ain’t so!

Riiighhhht?

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You are the alpha, the omega, the everlasting light in a grizzled hell ensconced in darkness, a hell that would descend to the very depths of humanity were it not for the uplifting and redemptive qualities of your voice! O Rihanna, we beseech thee to bestow your eternal grace upon us that we may not dissolve in the vengeful fires of damnation! RIHZUS BE WITH THEE!


Contact the author at julianne@jezebel.com.

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Image via Getty, gif via Giphy