Rita Ora, the physical embodiment of the phrase “bigger in Europe,” released the video for her new single “Poison” today. The track is as enjoyable as all of Rita’s other singles—it’s the kind of pop ballad I’d listen to more often if I had a car—but the video is little more than a Frizz Ease® commercial wrapped in a confusing narrative. Let’s walk through it!

We begin with a shot of some hip young friends sitting on a stoop, followed by reminder of who one of them is.

One guy in her crew with the memorable lips appears to be her boyfriend.

Look how she whispers to him! I imagine she’s saying things like, “You have such memorable lips!”

But oh wait, some creepy guy who looks like Michael Pitt’s half-brother from Saturn, has been photographing them from across the street!

Rita is not having it. No one photographs her without permission!

She confronts Michael Pitt’s half-brother, but all he does in response is write an address on her hand. Memorable Lips is already jealous.

We then follow Rita as she makes her way to the address, seemingly in some grimy part of London. Wait, is this even London? Where does Rita Ora live? Does Rita Ora rent or own? I’m getting off topic. The grimy building is actually a fancy photo studio, and Michael Pitt’s half-brother is photographing two twins as Rita walks in.

Half-brother is all, “Go join’ em, Rita!” At first she’s like, “Who, me?”

But she’s clearly a natural. We flash forward some indeterminate amount of time and see her fully comfortable in her role as World’s Biggest And Most Important Nameless Supermodel Slash Spokeswoman for Frizz Ease®.

So many shots of Frizz Ease®!

She picked her poison and it’s Frizz Ease®!

Eventually, she takes matters into her own hands and sprays the Frizz Ease® herself!

But check out how good she looks when her frizz has been eased:

That is fierce. That is fabulous. That is Frizz Ease®.

OK, so Rita is now a very famous model and Michael Pitt’s half-brother is throwing a party at a gallery where all her portraits are being displayed. It’s a very lavish affair, and Rita is so grateful to the half-brother for discovering her. Just look at her hair! Not even a hint of frizz.

But look who just walked in! It’s Memorable Lips!

Here’s where things get confusing. Rita hugs him as he arrives. She’s so happy to see him, and the hug. But then Half-Brother hands him some cash, which causes Memorable Lips to scream and leave the party.

Rita sees this from afar, and doesn’t know what to make of it. But neither do I, really. What was the cash for—to get him to leave? To get him to stay away from Rita? Was it for sex? Was it to buy him a pack of cigarettes down the street? They didn’t make that clear.

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Anyway, Rita has a breakdown at her next photoshoot and decides to quit. Look how upset she gets! Like she wants to voices that never stop screaming “Who? Who? Who? Who?” out of her head.

So she rips all the photos off her dressing room mirror and runs to find her one true love: Memorable Lips. But as she runs into his bedroom, what does she find?

!!!!!!

Half-Brother is photographing Memorable Lips...with his shirt off! I’m not sure if this is for business, pleasure, or both, but it pisses Rita off. So she runs out of the room and begins running down the street towards her next moderately successful European hit.

Oh, and in case you were too wrapped up in the plot of the video and forgot the name of the song, it ends with one final reminder.

Buy Frizz Ease®.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

Images via YouTube.