Does your child eat their vegetables? Are they reading at an accelerated level? Sorry, but literally none of that matters anymore, because Balmain is launching a children’s line, and if your 6-to-14-year-old doesn’t get a $5,950 embroidered black dress, you are essentially strapping her into a one-way scooter ride towards Irrelevant City!

According to Women’s Wear Daily, Balmain’s Olivier Rousteing will personally oversee production of a 55-piece children’s line (as Fashionista points out, companies like Chloe and Marc Jacobs generally license these collections out to a childrenswear company). Via WWD:

“These are the same looks that, over the years, moms and dads have repeatedly pleaded with me to produce for their kids,” said the designer, who has Kim Kardashian on speed dial.

Prices range from $205 for a sleeveless t-shirt, which is honestly generous, to nearly $6,000 for the aforementioned embroidered black dress. Other offerings will include an embroidered cavalry jacket, a fur coat, and quilted perfectos. I’m only about 30% confident that I know what those words mean, but I’m 100% sure my future offspring needs all of it!

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The collection will debut in June, which gives you plenty of time to take out a second mortgage.


Contact the author at ellie@jezebel.com.