Ah, smell the whiff of new plastic as you crack open the CD-ROM mailed to you by AOL Online to commemorate this glorious year that is 1995. You’re giddy with anticipation to check out what this whole information superhighway thingy is all about, but your excitement is only second to the concert you’re seeing tonight: Liz Phair and the Smashing Pumpkins, acoustic, at the Orpheum! Snap some baby barrettes into your pixie crop and call your friends from the pay phone on the corner because you’re going to party.

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Only you awaken to find it was all a dream—a very pleasant dream that took place before your life was dictated by Snapchat and dry shampoo and Android ads soundtracked by third-rate dubstep. And yet you may relive a gentler, simpler time in 2016: That part about Liz Phair and Smashing Pumpkins touring together, ACOUSTICALLY, is incredibly real. Beginning in March, your favorite Corgan-led guitar band (sorry, Zwan) joins your favorite feminist guitar goddess for a hot romp into nostalgia season.

Here are some very controversial opinions: Smashing Pumpkins’s last good album was Siamese Dream, Liz Phair’s last good album was Exile in Guyville, and the only good songs they collectively dropped after those were “1979" and “Supernova.” (“You fuck like a volcano and you’re everything to me” remains a perfect aspirational lyric for all future relationships.) If it were really 1995, some man would probably make a fanzine about how I am wrong and how I don’t know anything about music, or maybe he’d just ignore me at the record store where he worked; since it is 2016, someone will probably just tweet some hate speech to my Twitter handle. The future is so awesome!

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Check out Liz and Smash at the following dates (via Pitchfork, which was totally founded in 1995):

03-22 Portland, OR - Schnitzer Hall *
03-23 Seattle, WA - The Paramount *
03-25 San Francisco, CA - The Masonic *
03-26-27 Los Angeles, CA - The Theatre at Ace Hotel *
03-29 Salt Lake City, UT - Kingsbury Hall *
03-30 Denver, CO - Ellie Caulkins Opera House *
04-01 Detroit, MI - The Fillmore *
04-02 Columbus, OH - Palace Theatre *
04-04 New York, NY - Beacon Theatre *
04-08 Philadelphia, PA - Tower Theatre *
04-09 Boston, MA - Orpheum Theatre *
04-10 Washington, D. C. - Lincoln Theatre *
04-12 Toronto, Ontario - Massey Hall *
04-14 Chicago, IL - Civic Opera House *
04-15 Louisville, KY - Palace Theatre *
04-16 Nashville, TN - Ryman Auditorium *
04-18 Dallas, TX - Majestic Theatre *
04-19 Austin, TX - Bass Concert Hall *
04-20 Houston, TX - Cullen Performance Hall *


Contact the author at julianne@jezebel.com.