Weekly-ish, a pre-approved, snap-judged music guide based on our very scientific, non-subjective Yes/No rating system. There’s really no debating this, come on stop.

Y: Tinashe’s dance record “Player” (ft. Chris Brown) is a jam that compels you to mindlessly snap, close your eyes, sway and feel those plinks easing into your bloodstream. It’s the first single from her upcoming sophomore album Joyride. [Complex]

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N: Sam Smith’s Bond song “Writings on the Wall” sounds exactly like a Bond song, with its sad, extravagant orchestra. I’d never listen to it in my personal time. [Billboard]

Y: Lana Del Rey does lots of underwater soul searching and eye-fucking in the video for “Music to Watch Boys To.” Cool. [Idolator]

Y: Gladys Knight’s spirited single “Just a Little” has some funk in it. The beat needs to settle down a bit. [Billboard]

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Y: Little Mix mostly pulls off the retro jukebox vibe on “Love Me Like You,” channeling the sha-la-la-la girl group aesthetic. [Billboard]

Y: This JoJo video has some cool warehouse voguing choreography in it, but most importantly, wondering if I can pull off wearing that sheer cape.[Rap-Up]

Y: Keyshia Cole is the queen of hurt ballads for the hood and this version of “Hotline Bling” is OK, if you’re fine with the occasional painfully strained note. Why must Keyshia Cole suffer so much? [Rap-Up]

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N: Jadakiss had the nerve to take turn Drake’s sob story into “Thotline Bling,” an offbeat-singing record about “thirsty” women. [Rap-Up]

N: Not feeling Florence and the Machine’s cover of one of my fave songs of the year, “Where Are Ü Now.” It’s like it’s stuck in buildup mode and I wanna scream “Speak up!” [Idolator]

Y: I’m imagining listening to Skylar Grey’s “Cannonball” while searching for something in the woods, not sure why. [Idolator]

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N: Following up “Sausage,” Lil Mama hops on the ’80s rap train once again on “Fly” and I’d like her to stop. [Rap-Up]

Y: Wales’s video for “Falling” is about the calming spaces between the madness. The director says, “It’s about slowing down time and letting go, finding some kind of inner-peace.” Word. [Fader]


Contact the author at clover@jezebel.com.