Cabs Are Heah to Take Snooki Away from Jersey Shore Because She's Retiring

Illustration for article titled Cabs Are Heah to Take Snooki Away from Jersey Shore Because She's Retiring
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Snooki, the heart and soul of the state of New Jersey, has announced her retirement from Jersey Shore. Even if Jersey Shore: Family Vacation returns for a fourth season on MTV, Snooki says she will not be there.

“I am retiring from Jersey Shore. The main reason is really… I just can’t do it anymore,” she said on her podcast It’s Happening with Snooki & Joey. “Literally, leaving my kids to film, it is really hard on me. I try and quit every single day... I don’t like partying three days in a row. It’s just not my life anymore,” she continued. “Our show, Jersey Shore, is about family and making fun of each other and having a good time and laughing and just knowing that it’s all in good fun. Lately, everything is so serious. It’s not about a team anymore. Fans are against one another when it comes to a cast member. I don’t want that. I’m not leaving my kids for DAYS on end to film this show when that’s the result of it. I don’t like the turnout of it. I don’t like the person I’m portrayed as. It’s getting to be a little too much.”

That’s heartbreaking to hear, but also the reality of all reality TV fame. I assume things change when you have children, and Snooki has three: Lorenzo, Angelo, and Giovanna. I only hope her self-ejection means the show will end because can there even be a Jersey Shore without Snooki? I shudder at the very idea of it.


In honor of Snooki’s departure, here a few contextless, inspirational quotes from her days on the greatest reality TV show of our lifetime, to confirm that she was, indeed, the best:

“After I run for president… the economy would rise, everyone would be tan, and all the radios would play house music.”

“When people function this early in the morning, this isn’t real life to me. I feel like it’s a video game.”

“Is there a moon in this country?”

“I have no idea how to speak clock language, so when I say, ‘Hi, what time is it?’ And somebody says, ‘A quarter past 2,’ just say, ‘it’s fucking, like, 2:30.’”

“Tofu. I thought that was like touché.”

“I feel like a pilgrim from the frickin’ 20s.”

Godspeed, Snooki. Gone too soon.

URL: Senior Writer, Jezebel. IRL: Author of the very good book 'LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands from NKOTB to BTS,' out now.

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Well, she’s not wrong about how the show has changed... problem is, it doesn’t matter who the FANS like or dislike, it’s the fact that not one single person in the cast and crew knows how to deal with Ronnie’s domestic-abuse issues (both as the abuser and the abused person). Continuing to make it a plotline - and continuing to extend Ronnie’s fame so that his messy life is a regular fixture on TMZ - is going to end in tragedy.