Saturday Night Live Presents The Vagi—I Mean, Elbow Monologues

Illustration for article titled Saturday Night Live Presents The Vagi—I Mean, Elbow Monologues
Screenshot: Saturday Night Live/NBC

It’s a Valentine’s Day miracle!!!! Something from a new episode of Saturday Night Live was very, very funny!!!!

In a sketch titled “Women’s Theater” that aired last night, host Regina King and castmembers Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant play a local feminist theater troupe who’ve been invited to perform an “age-appropriate” version of their Vagina Monologues-esque ode to their vulvae for schoolchildren.

“But The Vagina Monologues is already age-appropriate!!” you may be yelling, which yes. Obviously. But that’s the joke! That the word “vagina” is soooooo inappropriate and must be subbed out for the apparently more G-rated body part, “elbow.” For example:

  • “Hot and wet. My source of life. Soft place to land for his member. My elbow. Blossomed, hairy, and magical. Touching my elbow at night. Playing. Learning. My elbow is my own. I only have one elbow.”
  • “Ayyy, tough girls got elbows, too, OK? Mine’s like a Chevy Bel Air. It’s got a glaze on it like a cream doughnut, smells like WD-40, and you know what? You know who loved it? Every man I ever met!”
  • “Our elbows. They birth our babies. They please our men. They gush the blood of life. Secret powers between my thighs. My charisma. My juice. My joy. My fruit. My secret South Carolina. My beautiful elbow.”
  • “1978! Once I found my elbow, I was rubbing it against everything: the bus, the sofa, air conditioners, and every pillow in Poughkeepsie, ay, ay ayyyy!”
  • “Why do we come up for other names just to avoid saying ‘elbow’? Gash, critter, slit, see you next Tuesday...”
  • “I love my elbow just the way God gave it to me. I told my husband, ‘Look, this is the elbow you married, this is the elbow you’re gonna get, and it’s not like you’re gonna win any prizes for your four-inch flaccid dong.”
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The delivery...the character choices...the accents...the vaguely ‘70s New York affections no matter what year the show’s actually being performed in... It’s just all so spot on. Check it out below.

Freelance journalist (GQ, W, Esquire, elsewhere), here on weekends

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DISCUSSION

The one bright spot in a very disappointing show. Of course, we were forewarned by the monologue. Especially disturbing was when Regina said She asked Lorne what to do if She got nervous, and Lorne told her to “play the race card”. Like WTF? It seemed Regina being a black woman was the starting point and ending point for most of her skits.