I Feel So Bad for Everyone on Marriage or Mortgage Who Chose Marriage Instead of Mortgage!

Illustration for article titled I Feel So Bad for Everyone on Marriage or Mortgage Who Chose Marriage Instead of Mortgage!
Screenshot: Netflix

Have you been watching Marriage or Mortgage? I just started it this morning. In case you’re unfamiliar, here’s what I remember from like four hours ago: It’s about two women, a wedding planner and the inventor of homes(??), trying to lure Nashville couples into Rockwellian temptation. The former presents the couples with their dream weddings, ranch fountains and all, while the latter tries to get them to buy one of three homes within their budget—so, like, Love It or List It but nouns, not verbs.

Advertisement

Anyway, I’m only on the fourth episode (lesbianaaaaa), but I’m really upset about how many of the couples picked marriage over mortgage! Literally two of the three episodes I’ve seen so far have ended with our central decision-makers choosing a big, lavish wedding over a sprawling suburban home with an all-gray open-concept interior! What makes this so upsetting to watch is that they filmed the show before the coronavirus pandemic really took hold in the U.S., so everyone who chose marriage had to downsize and downgrade whatever dream wedding they’d planned to avoid becoming Mr. and Mrs. Superspreading Event! Can they get a do-over? I’m very upset!

Freelance journalist (GQ, W, Esquire, elsewhere), here on weekends

DISCUSSION

tonightimlivinginafantasy
tonight, living in a fantasy

If you’re dumb enough to choose a lavish wedding over home ownership and financial security, you deserve to have a pandemic ruin your wedding.

Of course, I’m not into weddings, so I’m biased. Though I do see how a ranch fountain could sweeten the deal.