Screenshot: Amazon Studios

Nothing says successful tear-jerker like a couple of hot people portraying a dramatized version of what regular-ass Americans experience in their regular-ass lives. It’s what makes This Is Us something my tia wants to talk about every time I remember to call, and it’s what this damn Oscar Isaac and Olivia Wilde Amazon romcom, Life Itself, is surely going to relish in.

Fitting, because it’s brought to you by This Is Us creator Dan Fogelman—the guy has a beat. (But please don’t mistake this movie with the 2014 biopic on the late, great film critic Roger Ebert, also titled Life Itself.) According to IndieWire:

“Life Itself” stars Oscar Isaac and Olivia Wilde in a grand romance that spans decades and continents. The central couple becomes connected to other people across the globe, from the streets of New York to the Spanish countryside, but Fogelman and distributor Amazon Studios aren’t revealing what the event is that does the trick. The supporting cast includes Mandy Patinkin, Olivia Cooke, Laia Costa, and Annette Bening.

Most likely, there will be twists. The official teaser trailer is two-and-a-half minutes of all kinds of melodrama. Check it out below:

Based on those 202 seconds alone, here are a few meticulously considered and curator predictions for the events of Life Itself:

  • Isaac’s character, who claims to be waiting to ask Wilde’s character out because she’s his one and only, waits too long because he’s a wuss. They reconnect when she’s pregnant and happily married to HIS FUCKING FATHER, Antonio Banderas. In an effort to persuade her into marrying him (he assures her he will raise his brother baby as his own son), he stalks her all the way to Gibraltar, Spain, where she’s been living with Banderas. She catches a few minutes of a telenovela that details her exact situation and thinks, What the hell! She marries Isaac. He dies.
  • Isaac’s and Wilde’s characters meet-cute when she switches seats with a woman (so she can sit next to her partner) on a domestic flight. The two hit it off as the woman she’s switched with films their totally innocent interaction on her Instagram live story. The documentarians’ coverage goes viral, he relishes in the glory, she is turned the fuck off, and they never see each other again.
  • Life Itself details the birth, childhood, adolescence, adulthood, retirement and death of both Wilde’s and Isaac’s character, as illustrated by their faithful romantic affair. At the end of the two-hour film, it’s revealed to be an extended life insurance commercial.
  • It was all a dream!!!!!!!!!!

Life Itself hits theaters September 21.