On Monday night’s Vanderpump Rules—the morning after the annual Stassi Schroeder birthday meltdown episode—Scheana Marie revealed that while she’s still not looking for a “serious relationship,” she is sort of, kind of, maybe dating a SUR bar back/model named Adam Spott and his best friend, Robby Hayes, at the same time. (You may remember Hayes as the runner-up on JoJo’s season of the Bachelorette and later, as a total dick on Bachelor in Paradise.) Neither of these guys desire to sleep with Scheana—something she repeated in both last night’s episode and, in the case of Adam, in prior ones. This news might come as a shock if it were anyone else on the show, but this is Scheana, and being horny for a relationship is her thing. I’d go as far as to say her now-infamous approach to romance is nothing short of impressive and worthy of dissection. Let’s take a look.
Scheana on Michael Shay: “I don’t want to compare my relationship to the relationship my friends have, but... winning!”
In the first five seasons of Vanderpump Rules, Scheana was partnered with Michael Shay, a producer she met in high school and eventually married on camera in 2014. Their divorce two years later, in 2016, was also televised. Unlike her more recent flings, there were serious issues, like addiction, that led to their uncoupling. Still, Scheana, who loves the idea of being in love, kept reassuring everyone that her marriage was going great, even taking a second honeymoon—despite internal turmoil and Jax Taylor’s reassurance that he had “milk... with a longer shelf life than that marriage.”
Scheana on Rob Valletta: “If he’s not at the point where he’s as in love as I am, I’m okay with that because I know he loves me.”
Before officially divorcing Shay, and just in time for Season 6, Scheana began dating rebound Rob Valletta, an older, richer man whom she could not start a conversation without mentioning—specifically, without including the fact that he can mount a television in seven minutes flat.
With Rob, Scheana’s insatiable relationship desire was fully realized. She would regularly talk the ears off of uninterested people about her nauseating obsession with him. She once told Kristen Doute, who refused to even make eye contact, “He adores me. We talk about having kids and getting married and we’re looking at houses together. Rob and I have named our first daughter, Madison Marie Parks Valletta,” before revealing that she doesn’t care if he doesn’t love her as much as she loves him. She would also assure everyone that even though he never said he loved her, she knew he did? Turns out, she should’ve asked him. Because he did not.
She also told Page Six in December 2017 that even though she and Rob broke up after filming Season 6, she believes “We have every intention of getting married one day and having a family, but we just don’t know when that day will be.”
Scheana on Adam Spott: “We’re always together. He’s my favorite person to be with. I don’t even know if we know… We’re hanging out. Yeah, but he’s still my best friend.”
Scheana spent a lot of Season 6 attempting to convince Brittany Cartwright to ditch a consistently unfaithful Jax for the confidence-boosting Adam Spott, even though it was Scheana who had a crush on him the entire time. It’s an interesting tactic that, I guess, somehow worked because in Season 7, he’s attached to her hip, even though she keeps asking him to bone and he’s not into it. That, and they (allegedly) make out sometimes despite her aggressive flirting.
She does claim to be a bit more “self-aware” than in season’s past. She told Us Weekly:
“Just seeing where I was last year and how I obsessed I was with my relationship [with Rob] and all of that and coming into this year, I feel like I’m much more self-aware, self-deprecating, and I feel like I’m me again for the first time in a while… I kind of lost myself for a couple years and got caught up in the things that weren’t important.”
Scheana on Robby Hayes: “He’s supportive. He’s reliable. He’s drop dead gorgeous... If things keep going well, I could definitely see myself falling for him.”
In the most recent episode, Robby (another Rob?) and Scheana go on their first non-date date to the Skyslide in Los Angeles, where they ride a short, glass slide 1,000 feet in the air, share a drink atop the tallest building west of the Mississippi, kiss for a brief moment and, most importantly—document the entire thing on social media. Bravo aired the footage right after Stassi and Katie Maloney-Schwartz joked that Scheana is currently embroiled in her own mini-Bachelorette, with contestants Stassi refers to as “cheesy dudes... douches.” She’s not wrong.
Still, Scheana reassures the Vanderpump audience in her interviews that she’s just seriously enjoying being single right now. As the only cast member not directly involved in any major drama this season, it totally makes sense that her screen time would lead to a non-relationship with Hayes, the only other reality TV show narcissist who enjoys posting their on Instagram as much as she does. Since Scheana consistently gets burned by the rest of the VP crew for going to parties just to sit in the corner and Snapchat, it seems to me that Hayes might be her man. At least, until she finds out he can’t mount a TV.