MOTHER HAS ARRIVED
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The world as we know it has seen enough of our shit and is on its way out; the oceans are warming, the polar ice caps are melting, and the country is run by a rotten papaya in an ill-fitting suit who will probably lead us all to our eventual deaths. That said—thank god for Drag Race!

Drag is inherently political, but it’s also inherently fun: why not make the best of both worlds and throw a ball for the end of the world, when climate change has finally fucked us all into a state of permanent sartorial confusion? That was the premise of this week’s episode, which featured a ball for the end of the world. That meant a sewing challenge, and panique for a wide swath of girls who are either very good at sewing and want to help others before they help themselves, or those who need the help of the former very badly. Let the record show that Asia O’Hara, aka Black Martha, aka Blartha, is the sweetest queen in the room and I sincerely hope she goes very, very far.

Sidebar: Monet’s history lesson about how British accents came to be was a delightful fairytale refuted immediately by both Asia and Monique, who stared at her as if the top of her shiny head opened and Ornacia slithered out. Additionally, the Vixen cannot stop getting into it with everyone. During Untucked, she and Eureka got into the kind of fight one gets into with their siblings, all screaming and talking over one another and jumping to conclusions like the floor is hot lava, while Blair and Monique pretended like they were elsewhere, and Mayhem tried to pick her jaw up from the floor. And like family, after a cigarette and a brief chat, they made up. Heartwarming stuff. I mean it!

Moving right along: as there were 11 queens left, that meant this week there were 33 looks to parse and it meant that most of the show was runway!

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An Alaskan winter at the end of the world would be an unyielding, white heat and a sun that never sets; it would be my worst nightmare, but here is how some of your favorite girls turned it out. Miz Cracker’s hair bikini was kinda fun, but didn’t read great on camera. Asia O’Hara’s felt balls are just fine. Monique Heart wrapped her body in some watermelon-print spandex, which is a personal choice that I might not have made, but it the end, it works. Ten points to Monét X. Change for wearing anything other than that blonde Nene Leakes Wig, but minus five for not brushing it prior to stepping out on the runway. No one really seemed moved by Mayhem Miller’s neon bikini situation, which is the appropriate reaction for something that reads a little Hot Topic to me.

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Ah! The Vixen’s transparent bikini with an ENORMOUS PVC fan showed so much of her body that her butt crack had to be blurred out. I don’t understand or particularly care for Kameron Michaels’s basic bikini and those shooties are very, very bad; same goes for Eureka’s bathing suit, but I do not mind the duster. When Michelle Visage said that Dusty Ray Bottoms looked like LaTyoya Jackson in the face, I screamed. This bathing suit is from ModCloth’s sale section.

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Blair St. Clair continues to surprise me and this OG Barbie realness is no exception; she has somehow avoided the curse of Season 7's vintage queen, Max, who made every look the same wasp-waisted, old-fashioned, silent film star—boring! And duh, Aquaria the queen of lewks, murdered it in this luchador bikni and a ponytail literally past her asshole. Yes!!

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If winters in Alaska are hot, then an apocalyptic Miami summer is one of snow, ice, drama, and faux fur. This Marie Antoinette moment on Dusty Ray Bottoms was beautiful; Eureka O’Hara’s weird leotard with fur trim felt like what one might wear to a costume party in 1965. These looks on Mayhem Miller and Monét were really quite good—not everyone can pull off white lipstick, Mayhem, but you seemed to be doing great! It must be noted that Monet’s gown was simple, but very beautiful.

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Category is: fun, but ultimately confusing and/or kind of boring? Props to Miz Crackers for doing a fun boot, but this Pepto pink number is not doing it for me. I love Blair St. Clair’s coat, but I would like to know if there is an outfit underneath it. The fact that Michelle Visage didn’t clock Monique for swallowing her neck in a cloud of pink feathers is beyond me and finally, even though Kameron Michaels looked cray-cray, I’m in support of this unitard, but would rather one or the other, not both.

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Listen—Asia O’Hara had an entire STORY to go with her neon leopard aprés ski ensemble and I know Aquaria’s pastel fox fur fantasy was the better outfit, but I still think Ms. Asia should’ve won at least for that coat. Props to The Vixen for showing up like a changeling princess. She was wearing horns on her head and a hoop skirt, what’s not to love?

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Martian Eleganza Extravaganza’s specificity tickles me, as do these outfits! Eureka should’ve won for this ladies-who-lunch-ass sequined dress, in my opinion. Mayhem Miller’s Mars-red pant and cape look was different! So was Kameron Michaels’s Barbara Corcoroan-in-space moment. Not too shabby.

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Well okay, I do understand now why Monet was in the bottom, because this red thing is not great—poorly constructed but fun in concept. The Vixen looked good from the waist up but those thigh-high boots? No?? Asia, once again, turned out a very serviceable outfit that was perhaps my favorite of the evening. What you’re not seeing here is that Monique covered this mermaid-green, slit-legged jumpsuit with a blobby spacesuit jacket and revealed this after she discarded that; points for dramatic execution. Blair was just feeling herself and that’s fine.

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Finally—I loved Miz Cracker’s look and her gimmicky but well-executed fishbowl space helmet!! I also appreciate these thigh-high boots which help to elevate the raaaa-ther simple leotard she’s wearing. Dusty Ray Bottoms is on her way to Coachella, but stopping at Burning Man for a sec. Unsurprisingly, she’s also in the bottom.

Rewatch this week’s lip sync and add it to your personal zip drive of the best of this show’s history—after being clocked for inconsistencies on the runway, Monét and Dusty found themselves facing each other as friends and competitors! Remember, this is NOT RuPaul’s Best Friend Race, and so Monet did what she does as the hardest working queen in New York City—turned out a truly incredible lip sync that featured one fake-out jump split, followed by the real deal a little bit later that was honestly, a joy. Also joyful to behold was how Dusty resembled Liza Minnelli and Monet, Carol Channing.

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This week’s mood: Aquaria’s face when Miz Cracker asked her about whether or not she has a sugar daddy, and Mayhem’s face after she heard Miz Cracker climbing all the hell the way out of pocket. I get it!