Are You Ready For Sia's (Probably) Insanely Depressing Christmas Album?

Image via Getty
Image via Getty

If you think about it, Sia is kind of like Santa Claus. She’s a mysterious figure who comes out only to brings gifts to struggling pop stars in the form of warbled songs about diamonds and club nights. And her elves, sprightly dancers in nude leotards, do all the work for her, dancing on stage while she chills in the back. Classic Santa!


Okay, so Sia is not like Santa, but the singer apparently has, somewhere behind that two-toned wig, an ounce of Christmas cheer to spread, considering she just announced she’s putting out a holiday album this year. And rather than do the “cover the classics” thing Sia’s record will be full of original songs. Oh, joy!

I, personally, can’t wait to sit around the fire singing a classic Sia Christmas jam about how her heart has become a lump of coal this holiday because she’s buried all her emotions deep down inside herself for far too long. Or perhaps, while opening gifts, we can put on her song about how the Virgin Mary may have been in pain, her make-up smeared, giving birth to Jesus in that cold, dirty manger, but it made her strong, god damn it. And can you imagine swinging your door open to a group of rosy-cheeked carolers howling a sobbing, somewhat indecipherable stream of words about how Rudolph had a nose that shown bright like diamond in the sky?

God, I can’t wait for this Sia Christmas!

Pop Culture Reporter, Jezebel


"Not a real" DrDonna

If you reach the end of that album and you think to yourself, “I’m depressed but feeling the season, but not *enough*.” You can always listen to pretty much any of Sufjan Stevens’ 148 depressing Christmas albums.

He seems to split his time between saddening up existing festive tunes, and creating modern classics like “Did I Make You Cry on Christmas”, “That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!”, and “Even the Earth Will Perish and the Universe Give Way”.