Hell No: Avril Lavigne ft. Nicki Minaj, “Dumb Blonde” - In addition to simply being “Hollaback Girl” rewritten for a 2019 audience (women’s empowerment, where feminism is defined by how many times you can call yourself a babe, a boss and a capitalist shill), “Dumb Blonde” is a dumb rallying cry for...blondes? Send it back, please, and for the love of God, we’ll take Christian radio rock Avril. How many cheerleader-esq. singles can one artist release? —Maria Sherman
No: Zedd and Katy Perry, “365" - On paper, this should’ve been an acceptable top 40 banger—it is Katy Perry and Zedd, after all, pop veterans in their own right—but “365,” an obsession anthem, is ultimately listless. (The irony’s overwhelming.) Save yourself the heartache and don’t watch the video above, in which Perry plays a depressed robot/Stepford wife? —MS
Nah: Meghan Trainor, “Marry Me” - “Marry Me” is sweet, and certainly fills a Valentine’s Day pop music void, but I doubt I’ll ever listen to or think about it ever again. It’s also wholly inoffensive, which is a new look for Trainor. I’m happy for her love, but maybe this is a song she should’ve just kept between her and her boo? —MS
Sure, yep, thank you: Cardi B and Bruno Mars, “Please Me”: Detractors will say that Cardi and Bruno’s Jodeci-adjacent tribute is merely a hollow facsimile of that kind of music—much like how Greta Van Fleet’s entire shtick is to Led Zeppelin—but to those detractors, I invoke Cardi: “Your pussy basura, my pussy horchata.” What a nice antidote to the saccharine bullshit of Valentine’s Day and it’s always nice to hear from my pocket boyfriend, Bruno. Do an album together, please! More like this! Gimme!! —Megan Reynolds
Mmm, also YES!!: Lizzo, “Cuz I Love You”: Hell yeah, I want to listen to Lizzo scream about love in a song released on Valentine’s Day, a holiday that doesn’t matter but sometimes, if you are alone, does. Love sucks! Love is fun! Lizzo’s crying! Good song. Play it for whoever spurned you recently, or is going to spurn you soon.—MR
Eh: Bebe Rexha, “Last Hurrah”: I’m pretty indifferent about this song by Bebe Rexha, a woman who cosplays as a certified diva. It’s a pretty forgettable pop song, but it’s fine! Whatever! Here’s what’s tripping me up about it though: The chorus sounds exactly like T-Pain’s “Buy UA Drink.” Please tell me you hear it too.
Anyway, enjoy Bebe explaining her inspiration for this song. —Ashley Reese
Forever and always: Dua Lipa and Calvin Harris - “One Kiss”: This song came out almost a year ago, but since Dua Lipa performed it at the Grammy Awards in a highly and unnecessarily sexual duet with St. Vincent, it’s taken on a totally new life for me. It’s an unrelenting bop! Is that a horn section I hear? Something in you-you-you-you. Lit up heaven in me-e-e-e. If you need me, I’ll be listening to this again for the next two weeks and texting all my friends about it like it’s May 2018. —Frida Garza