Image: Screenshot

The trailer for the new remake of A Star Is Born is here and boy, let me tell you, it looks gloriously melodramatic. And you will absolutely find me in the theater, laying allll the way back in one of those red lounge chair seats, guzzling popcorn while watching this opening weekend.

Star AND director Bradley Cooper plays Jackson Maine, a tan, booze-guzzling country star, who looks like Father John Misty but on closer listen sounds more like Matthew McConaughey. He picks up the struggling singer-songwriter Ally, played by a startlingly clean-faced, brunette Lady Gaga (aka Stefani Germanotta), in a bar one night. “I don’t sing my own songs. I just don’t feel comfortable,” she says to him. “Almost every single person has told me they like the way I sounded but that they didn’t like the way I look.”

“I think you’re beautiful,” he replies. Her eyebrows raise. So do mine.

And so her star-making career begins! What’s most striking about the trailer is that it seems like there’s no overt conflict here. I thought at the very least I’d see a Jameson-filled shot glass thrown at a mirror, Gaga’s face reflected in the meticulously shattered glass?! Gimme some rage, gimme some more tears! This was a movie that was pushed back to October to make it a shinier contender for awards show prizes after all, though I’m getting more Hallmark movie vibes from A Star Is Born (no diss to Hallmark movies) than Oscar-winner over here. Though Gaga seems like she’s already writing her awards speeches:

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I’m thrilled to meet Jack and Ally but also honestly thrilled to meet Stefani, the actress.