Illustration for article titled Bow Before Timothée Chalamets Unbelievable Medieval Bowl Cut
Screenshot: Netflix

Not content with taking on the character of Laurie from Little Women, Timothée Chalamet is also ready for a Serious Actor rite of passage: Playing Henry V in a grimly lit prestige historical drama, specifically Netflix’s The King.


Frankly, the whole thing looks very ponderous; much of the trailer is Timothée striding around through dark palace hallways scowling, and also a tense conversation between Henry and his advisor Falstaff, played by Joel Edgerton—who co-wrote the script—about whether a king can even have friends. (Honestly, not really!) These haircuts are the men’s equivalent of women making themselves unattractive for an Oscar.

What’s most important is that Robert Pattinson is also in this movie, as Louis, Duke of Guyenne, sporting an absolutely incredible wig that answers the question: what if Prince Valiant were a surfer? Plus they loaded the trailer up with flaming trebuchets, and I feel almost obligated to see what sort of downbeat reference they make to the St. Crispin’s Day speech.

Someday, someone will make a high-budget prestige drama about medieval women. Somebody, please send a copies of Helen Castor’s She-Wolves to every development office in Hollywood.

Senior Editor, Attic Haunter, Jezebel

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Sigh, Mathilda, Isabella of France or my spirit animal Eleanore of Aquitaine, any of their stories would make an unbelievable movie. I know Eleanore has made a couple of film appearances, but they all focus on one specific time in a life that was full of crazy shit.

Even though this movie looks dull I’ll probably still watch the shit out of it, then immediately forget it (eg the Netflix Scottish historical movie whose title escapes me that somehow managed to make Chris Pine look bad).