Everything Everyone Did Wrong (and Right) on This Episode of Looking

Hello, friends! We are down to the last three episodes of Looking and if internet rumors are true, we may not get a third season. That means there are only two more episodes (after this one) for Agustin to get his happy ending and Patrick to die in a freak accident involving cutlery and a steep cliff. That was a Bjork reference.) (We are very cultured in San Francisco.)

But even though we have only two episodes left, it doesn’t feel like anything will get resolved. No one is calling Patrick out (still!) for his behavior (except Brady, who is absolutely right when he says that Patrick and Kevin are “everything that is wrong with gay people,” except that he really means people in general, because they are bland boring bitchy queens who pretend to be nice, which is the worst kind of person). Patrick and Kevin are in sheer heaven, fucking their way through GaymerX while riding the high off their shitty app. I don’t know. This show is making me even more jaded and bitter than I usually am.

So here’s what ~~everyone~~ Patrick and Kevin did wrong this week:

Patrick trying to keep the honeymoon going with Kevin. If you look up the word thirsty in the dictionary (because the dictionary doesn’t do phrases, only words), you will find this picture:

Let the other guy make some effort, Patrick. If I saw this coming at me in the morning with the underwear and the goji berries, I would probably jump out the nearest window and then crawl away through the broken glass, my broken leg dragging behind me.

Patrick wearing Kevin’s clothes: It’s been two weeks, and you are way too thirsty. This relationship is never going to last if one of these dudes is desperate and the other is a stage-five clinger. That’s why we need a third season! We need to watch this implode realistically while Patrick realizes how fucked up he is for dumping Richie (and being casually racist in the process — remember how he freaked out over Richie’s possible foreskin and had no problem with Kevin’s?) and decides not to date for a while but to enter therapy instead.

Patrick and Kevin announcing their relationship at work and expecting everyone to be cool with the fact that the boss is fucking a subordinate even though the boss was in a long-term relationship with another dude like two weeks ago. I would probably go to HR, TBH. I mean it’s clear that Patrick will be getting preferential treatment (as he already has been) and anyone who says anything about it will be subject to a hostile work environment.

Patrick telling Richie he was ready to be with Kevin because he wasn’t ready to be with Richie. Dick. Hole. Maybe he was trying to get back at Richie for the mean things he and Brady said about Patrick and Kevin, but that was actually really hurtful. I feel like Patrick would be the worst kind of ex to have because outwardly he is very sweet and dopey, but in private he actually has a mean streak a mile wide. I used to date a dude like that. I still check his Facebook when I’m having a really good and console myself with the fact that he’s balder than I am.

Patrick and Kevin telling each other that they loved each other. I threw my hands up and left the room at this point because I had other things to do than watch this nonsense. Instead I used the bathroom at my friend’s house and washed my hands with all three of the soaps she had. It was more worthwhile.

And the one thing that was right…

Eddie telling off Agustin for freaking out about his HIV status: It’s not that Agustin was freaked out that’s the problem, it’s the fact that Eddie is right about how there’s so much dissonance between the way many gay men talk about HIV and how they actually act, especially in a homosexual mecca like San Francisco.

I will be the first to admit that for the longest time an STI was a deal-breaker for me and, even now, it’s only not a deal-breaker in theory, because I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with the same person for the past seven years and can talk about this only from my ivory tower of hypotheticals. I’m sure many others would admit the same.

But there is this myth that in large metropolitan areas (especially San Francisco and New York) every last person is a forward-thinking liberal, and that racism, sexism and homophobia don’t exist. This same kind of thinking applies to how many people assume liberals feel about STIs—like it’s no big deal for them. But often, in practice, it actually is a big deal.

Eddie’s absolutely right about the fact that many people have “gone to the library,” but aren’t prepared to actually begin a relationship with someone who is HIV+ no matter how much they believe in Truvada or agree that the disease is no longer the death sentence it once was. While Agustin is freaking out and disappearing after getting some come in his eye, Eddie’s having to go through something that he says he’s been through many times before — people rejecting him because of his status; people who’ve explicitly told him they’re fine with it but won’t talk about their true feelings for whatever reason (maybe because it will make them feel like too much of a bad person or a conservative) (those are the reasons for me). Eddie is one of the few great characters on this show and this scene, with him vocalizing things I’ve always thought but didn’t know how to say without being simultaneously being labeled a hateful person while also speaking for a group I wasn’t a part of, really spoke to me. And if the show doesn’t come back for a third season (which would suck because Girls is on what, season 27 now?) it’s moments like this that I will miss the most.

Also: I will miss the amazing cameos by famous comedians (Hiyeeee Gabe Liedman, I love you!) and every San Francisco performer who is on my Facebook. The highlight of this episode was when my friend spilled a diet Coke all over herself because our mutual Facebook friend George Chen was on HBO. Excellent times.