Game of Boners: Lost Minds, Lost Virginities

Oh, hey there, daughters of the Harpy! Did you think Game of Boners forgot about you? That we were gonna leave you high and dry? No way! I—QUEEN HARPY—just needed Memorial Day off to lie in the sun and sip on some of Cersei’s special sangria. A tip from the queen herself: replace the fruit chunks with more wine. And when you’re done with that, replace all your other meals with more wine and keep going until all that’s left of you is boozy maroon puddle.

This week’s GoB will be a truncated recap because our sister sites Gawker and io9 have—as of yesterday—already done a sufficient job of covering Sunday’s Game of Thrones episode “The Gift.” But if the Battle of Blackwater has taught us anything, it’s better late than never.

So what went down? Cersei is thrown into prison for incest (and not even her worst incest), Ser Jorah was fucking shit up in the fighting pits, Theon (once again) fucked over a Stark, Stannis’ troops are fucking freezing, Samwell Tarly finally got fucked, and a Sand Snake is fucking with Bronn’s head (and bod) with her boobs (and poison)!

Speaking of Bronn (played by Jerome Flynn), did you enjoy his singing? So exciting to see one half of the ‘90s British pop sensation Robson & Jerome reunite for a special Live from Dorne Prison concert.

But now onto stats!

NUDITY COUNT

Butts: Zero

Boobs: Two, attached to a Sand Snake

Dick: None, but we did get to see Daario’s full naked back, which was just as—if not more—erotic.

Vag: Close, but no labial cigar!

Until next week, here’s more of Jerome Flynn’s early—and questionable—singing career.