Did you hear about the time shoppers around the world practically resorted to fisticuffs in order to dress up like a luxurious embroidered Olivier Rousteing avatar? This morning H&M’s Balmain collaboration went on sale and predictably resulted in a fashion melee between warring Kardashian stans and enterprising eBay enthusiasts. (By mid-morning, the garments were already being resold at a 100% mark-up.) Fighting is never chic, my darlings—nor are, some might say, these clothes.

The news, it balked. A Time headline screamed, “Shoppers Are Going Insane for the New Balmain H&M Collection,” not seeming to grasp the urgency with which the masses must approach their next velvet rope-cordoned event at a hangar-sized bottle service club in Midtown wearing the H&M Balmain joint that Kylie rocked to the runway show last month. You do realize, Time, that if you do not have that particular beaded party dress, with its strong shoulders and eagle motif, that you will very likely never have sex again? At an H&M near the Jezebel office, smart Manhattan denizens had lined up outside before its opening, no doubt contemplating which very important tops, skirts, dresses and accessories they would nab from the racks upon entry to the heavenly gates. This is the Flatiron District, after all. Only the sexy people.


Celebrities did not have to wait, proving that pursuing a career in the arts is the most desirable career path for receiving free clothing, but the masses who managed to score a furry jacket or braided stiletto may now approximate the freedom and status and sensuality—oh lo, the sensuality—on any day of their choosing.

Italian Instagram stars, too.


As a wise Selena Gomez taught us, the heart wants what it wants. Celebrities get everything their hearts desire, so why shouldn’t the commoners have a dip in that pool every now and again? But one question worth asking is: How much do you love these garments? Do you love them enough to pay $500? Do you love them enough to pay $2000?

Most importantly—


Do you love these clothes enough to catch a case?

Contact the author at julianne@jezebel.com.

Top image via Getty. Street image via Sam Woolley.

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