Here Is John Stamos As a Murderous French Crab Chef

Screenshot: ABC

When we were little, my sister liked The Little Mermaid’s Chef Louis, the mustachioed French sea cook who tried unsuccessfully to boil Sebastian the crab alive. I always thought that was deeply weird, having not yet learned that everyone has their thing. But now I have seen John Stamos as Chef Louis, and I... get it? I think?

On Sunday, ABC dropped the teaser for The Little Mermaid Live! (not to be confused with the live Little Mermaid remake, because 1990s Disney is a never-ending cash cow), featuring Stamos as Sebastian’s tormenter. He’s got the stache, the red scarf, the thick brows, the oversized hat, and the staggering confidence of a man who does not yet know he’s about to be bested by an anthropomorphic crustacean.

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It’s kind of working:

If you’ve forgotten about the original Louis, here he is, teaching small children how to debone a fish (and how to do it in French!):

I look forward to watching Stamos chase Shaggy (who plays Sebastian) around with a butcher’s knife. I look much less forward to texting my sister and telling her she was right about Chef Louis, because I mocked her mercilessly in our youth and I’m afraid I will have to make up for it somehow. Thanks for NOTHING, Uncle Jesse.

The Little Mermaid Live! airs on ABC on November 5.

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