Hey Harry Styles, What Time Is the Rapture?

Harry Styles Week continues here at Jezebel, and today, I’m taking a moment to think about 2017, when the former One Direction singer debuted his first solo single, “Sign of the Times.” (When it first came out, Jezebel alum Bobby Finger declared it was either about “nothing, or the end of the world.” Lately, I’m thinking it is the latter.) To me, the moment felt magical—Styles’s David Bowie performance, a triumphant pop-classic rock song nearing an ambitious six-minutes long, an inventive way to individuate away from the boy band that made his career without isolating that audience. In fact, “Sign of the Times” only seemed to further his profile, allowing Styles to thrive in critical spaces never before made accessible to him. Don’t believe me? Consider this: Rolling Stone never ran a One Direction cover story. Styles, as a soloist, has had two.

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At any rate, the music video for the song is equally as monumental as the track itself, Styles effortlessly floating above the scenic the Isle of Skye in Scotland. It looks like a calm, inviting apocalypse, and this week has certainly felt like an apocalypse—so, naturally, I can’t help but think Styles knows something. And I’ve got something to say about that.

HEY HARRY, IF YOU’RE READING THIS... WHEN CAN I GET OFF THIS STINKIN’ EARTH ROCK? IT’S STRESSFUL DOWN HERE. I WANT TO FLY TO THE HEAVENS, TOO. WHAT TIME IS THE RAPTURE?

I WOULD SIMPLY LIKE TO GET OFF THIS RIDE, AND YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO SEEMS TO KNOW HOW. I MEAN, YOU’VE DONE IT BEFORE, WHO SAYS YOU CAN’T TAKE A LOWLY BLOGGER WITH YOU? AND IF THIS IS A RELIGIOUS THING, NO SWEAT, I’LL REPENT. JUST... LET THE RAPTURE COME SOON, OKAY? CALL IT LIKE AN UBER, THIS PARTY IS WASHED AND I’M READY TO GO HOME BEFORE A SWEATY MAN TOUCHES MY HAND AGAIN. OK? THANKS.

No. Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out now.

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