Image: IMDb

On a recent earnings call, Disney reportedly confirmed that it is planning to reboot the 1990 home invasion classic, Home Alone, for a “new generation” of viewers. This is clearly a weird idea for multiple reasons, the most obvious being smartphones. Let’s get mad together!

If Kevin in Home Alone had an iPhone XS Max, as so many wise move-watchers have noted over the years, there are a number of things he could do to be reunited with his family, including:

  • Call them right away
  • Tweet that he needs help
  • Look at his mom’s location on Find My Friends and conclude she is in Paris, text his mom and be like “WTF”

Now I understand that in the original Home Alone, the parents try to call Kevin and cannot, because the phone lines are down. Perhaps the parents in the reboot will similarly be plagued with terrible reception for days (a blackout?). Maybe their vacation was a cruise and they have no service at sea. Maybe they just lose their phones, and cannot borrow anyone else’s. (They’re scared to ask?) That would certainly complicate things.

But in today’s age, it’s clear that Kevin would never be alone: Once he realizes his parents are gone, he’ll go on Snapchat and brag about it to everyone in his class. When he posts a bunch of funny videos of himself dancing alone in his house on TikTok, he’ll go viral. Even if technology doesn’t reconnect Kevin and his family, it will fundamentally change the tenor of his solo staycation. The plot becomes a boring episode of Black Mirror under those conditions, and we don’t need more of that.

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I bet if you played the movie—the original—for a tween now, they’d laugh about how that would never happen, and then go back to their phones. If Disney really wants the reboot to succeed, hire some teens to consult on it!