How On Earth Did I Miss Chace Crawford's Enormous Dong in The Boys?

Image: Getty

The Boys is an Amazon Prime original series about superheroes breaking bad that I found myself enjoying recently against my own personal expectations. Generally, if I know anything about their backstory, superheroes are entertaining to me and the great thing about The Boys is that you don’t really have to know anything about them at all. Upon viewing, I was delighted to learn that Chace Crawford (Nate from Gossip Girl) plays the Deep, a superhero who talks to dolphins and does not much else. In the first episode, you see the Deep’s bare butt. Nowhere in any of the eight episodes that I watched do you see his frankly enormous dong.

Promotional calendars for the show were sent out to various members of the Australian press and it appears that in these materials, Crawford’s Vienna sausage is on full display. In the show, the dong must have been digitally erased or otherwise tamped down, because I certainly didn’t notice. Per the images I have now seen, it’s pretty hard to miss.

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Unfortunately, Jezebel was not lucky enough to receive this calendar, as Amazon’s marketing team likely thinks that our readers are not the target demographic for a show about superheroes gone bad— a reductive reading of our audience that I have come to accept. However, we are the target demographic for an unaltered photograph of Chace Crawford’s alleged penis. It’s there. Up and to the right. See it? Can’t miss it.

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The physics of this arrangement are confusing, but much like a Magic Eye poster, the more you stare at it, the more sense it makes. It’s tucked up and over, perhaps attached to the upper stomach by tape or the snug embrace of his spandex superhero ensemble. This could be his actual penis, or it could be a log of pepperoni, complete with realistic dick head, for confidence. While the idea of the latter tickles me, I am sure it’s the former. Chace, my man. Good one.

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