It Producers Wanna Bring Back Chucky to Freak You the Fuck Out Again

After doing a few (metaphorical) Scrooge McDuck dives into their exponentially growing wealth, It producers David Katzenberg and Seth Graham-Smith had an idea: if people came out in droves ($$) to see their Stephen King remake about a killer klown, perhaps they’ll come out again, in additional droves ($$$) to see Are You Afraid Of the Dark? developed into a feature film. (I love the Midnight Society; I’m all for that one.) HOWEVER. These greedy bastards are taking it a step further. They wanna bring back Chucky, the doll that made a generation distrust all dolls, and reboot the 1988 terror show Child’s Play.

According to Collider, the modern Child’s Play will take place in the modern era (nope) and feature a “technologically-advanced doll” (nope nope nope). While nothing is 100, this flick should stick to the original script in some crucial ways—we can expect a Good Guy-brand doll imbued with the soul of a serial killer to be named Chucky, and you can expect to freak all the way the fuck out.

I appreciate a quality scammer as much as the next person, and profiting off of adults’ traumatizing childhoods seems like a solid racket for these It folks. But for those of us who accidentally caught the film in the early ’90s while flipping through nighttime television unsupervised, there is no expression in the English language more frightening than, “Hi, I’m Chucky, wanna play?” To be totally frank, I tried re-watching the trailer for the original movie above and got too scared to finish it. Whelp!