Where in the hell did this movie come from? And that Russian (??) accent?

In Red Sparrow, Jennifer Lawrence is apparently Dominika Egorova, a prima ballerina seeking protection for her mom at all costs and in an astonishing variety of wigs. By the end of this trailer I was like, “Is this the Singing In The Rain style of movie production, but for wigs instead of leftover catalogue songs?” It is.

Egorova is manipulated into doing one job for Mother Russia in exchange for the health and safety of her mother (!), but is quickly roped into becoming a deadly assassin, or Red Sparrow. The best Red Sparrow who ever lived. The fact that she’s able to become the deadliest assassin of all time though she only begins training in her mid-twenties is predicated on the idea that prima ballerinas are well adapted to physical and psychological torture.

If you like watching Lawrence look gorgeous and stare intensely at men who explain her to herself, you’ll love this movie. There’s also at least one scene where she beats the shit out of an attempted rapist, so that’s good. Will Lawrence escape her captors and be born into a new identity of freedom? Only the 20 to 30 people who see this in theaters will find out, and maybe a few who watch it at their parents’ house next Thanksgiving.