Jersey Shore, Abridged: 'And You're Not a Part of Group Chat'

Illustration for article titled iJersey Shore/i, Abridged: And Youre Not a Part of Group Chat
Screenshot: MTV

In Jersey Shore, Abridged, Jezebel planned to recap the first season, and maybe the entire series, of Jersey Shore in 3 to 5 sentences followed by viewing comprehension questions and therapeutic prompts. An editorial decision was made to jump ahead to the latest season because rewatching the entire series was bad for my brain and heart. This series is in honor of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation and me, for my decision to watch and appreciate Jersey Shore for the first time. Please enjoy recaps of episodes 4 through 9 because I forgot to do this for a few weeks.

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Season 1, Episode 10

Angelina is waiting at the table as Snooki, Jenni, and Deena return from a weekend at home with their families. Snooki, sentimental and airplane drunk, repeats the very words she said upon entering the original shore house all those years ago: “Party’s here!” The party is not here, and a fight quickly breaks out. “You have no fucking idea what this took, and you’re not a part of group chat,” Jenni tells Angelina, laying their longterm estrangement bare. By the end of the episode, all seems reconciled, as time, age, and the mutual opportunism that can accept Angelina’s reappearance as good for the franchise heal old wounds.

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Still, Angelina does not belong there, which even Pauly, who invited her in the first place, begins to realize. She is an anachronism, both because of her long absence and the fact that having her and Deena in the same room feels like a warp in the space-time continuum. “Prank war champion was such a good prank that I pranked myself,” Pauly tells the camera, recognizing his capacity for self-sabotage. He scratched an itch, then regretted it. The desire to conjure Angelina back was not unlike sleeping with an ex and, after it’s done and the initial catharsis has worn off, you still find yourself in bed with someone you no longer have much in common with, searching for something to say. Everyone gets banana bags to hydrate after a night of binge drinking. Deena cries.

Comprehension questions: Is closure possible? Can you heal yourself through others?

Senior editor, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

beetarthur
Beet Arthur

I think the producers were scared that older ‘mature’ jersey shore cast members would make for a boring reboot so they had the angelina trick up their sleeve, but then she ended up being the party killer. We need more drunk Ron partying and Pauly D doing anything for eternity.