Two weeks ago, the clouds parted and a torrent of French-tucked shirts rained down upon us—Queer Eye had returned. Like everyone, I consumed yet another entire season of this show blinking back tears whenever Bobby Berk painted another set of kitchen cabinets charcoal gray, or Antoni Porowski successfully flipped a pancake, or whenever Tan France and Jonathan Van Ness bonded over a pair of slinky cat singlets. I also found myself, as usual, obsessing over Karamo Brown’s bomber jackets.
By my count, there are 30 bomber jackets in total this season. Some of them are fairly basic. Others are heavily bedazzled and nearly as essential as his sage “Culture” counsel. All of these jackets fit the aesthetic of Karamo, but which ones reflect him the most? Below, I’ve ranked them from least to most Karamo.
30. The Trainwreck, Episode 2
Sometimes, unexpected pairings can be great— Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus, for example. Kudos to Karamo for attempting to layer a shrunken blue-and-white seersucker bomber over an oversized yellow t-shirt. The problem is that the clashing colors and mismatched fits make him look like a kid dressed as a train conductor, or an adult man botching his first Thomas the Tank Engine cosplay attempt.
Rating: Karamo’s Twin Brother, Waramo
29. Olive Drab, Episode 6
Karamo doesn’t need to make an entrance. He knows everyone will be looking at him—and his perfectly sculpted eyebrows—regardless of what he’s wearing. Still, I wish he would have dressed this army-green bomber up a little more.
Rating: Karamo on a Day He Just Wants to Spend Inside, Watching TV
28. The Plain Jane, Episode 1
The name says it all. This mauve bomber is just that. Plain.
Rating: Kinda-Sorta Karamo
27. The Plain Jane—In Gray, Episode 8
Rating: Sorta-Kinda Karamo
26. The Heat Seeker, Episode 6
Karamo tosses this green jacket on to drive Deanna—the subject of the episode—around her Kansas City neighborhood. Deanna has chosen to wear a spaghetti-strap tank top, while Karamo has paired his bomber with a long-sleeved black shirt and a black L.A. Dodgers ball cap. This raises a lot of questions. Can they possibly both be comfortable? Has Karamo undergone some sort of surgery to permanently close his sweat glands? Why would someone who lives in Los Angeles and works largely in the southern half of the United States own so much outerwear?
Rating: Mildly Karamo
25. Not-So-Happy Days, Episode 4
This looks like something Ron Howard would have worn on the set of Happy Days. Ron is a national treasure who absolutely deserves the Academy Award he won for directing A Beautiful Mind, but there are better sources of style inspiration out there.
Rating: Not Not Karamo
24. The Regular Joe, Episodes 4 and 6
If we were to look up the word bomber in the dictionary, would we see a picture of this basic black jacket? Probably not, because most dictionary entries don’t actually come with illustrations. The point is, this is just a regular-ass bomber. It’s fine.
Rating: Karamo on Laundry Day
23. The Mad Hatter, Episodes 5 and 7
This basic bomber is overshadowed by the Dodger’s cap Karamo wears it with—it’s nearly the same shade of green. Does Karamo pay someone to come into his house each night and dye his hat to match the outfit he’ll wear the next day?
Rating: Basically Karamo
22. Getting Warmer, Episode 3
This puffy, color-blocked bomber is actually pretty nice looking. But also too warm for the climate. Why don’t we ever see you sweat, Karamo? Why?
Rating: Karamo Visiting Relatives Over the Holidays
21. Camofabulous, Episode 5
This black bomber is just whatever. But Karamo amps up its interest level by wearing it with a pair of camo-print capri pants—which apparently exist—and a camo-print L.A. Dodgers cap. Weird. But not boring!
Rating: Karamo But Make It Fashion
20. The Drive-In, Episode 2
Karamo is in a car again, wearing a bomber again, because consistency is one of his many virtues. This time around, though, he’s opted for a shiny green bomber instead of a matte green bomber, and the zippers around the pockets are artfully exposed.
Rating: Starting to Get Pretty Karamo
19. The Green Goblin, Episode 2
Wow, another green bomber. The plaid print on this one actually gives it more visual interest than the others we’ve seen so far. But come on. Does Karamo really need at least six green bombers? Yes? Fine.
Rating: At Least As Karamo As His Other Green Bombers
18. The Lumbersexual, Episode 2
When I wear black and red, I look like a professional Jack White impersonator. When Karamo does it, he looks like a sexy lumberjack. Albeit one whose hands are probably too well-moisturized to properly hold an axe.
Rating: Woodsy Karamo
17. Smooth Sailing, Episodes 3, 5, 6, and 8
Navy, with thin white stripes and a bit of a nautical vibe. No complaints here, captain.
Rating: Karamo Getting Ready to Party on a Friend’s Boat
16. Quilted Northern, Episode 4
Brown on beige could be boring. But subtle quilting makes this bomber anything but. The gigantic tiger patch also helps.
Rating: Subtly but Undeniably Karamo
15. The Craftsman, Episode 6
Did Karamo iron the creepy-cool patches onto this bomber himself? No, he’s too busy teaching self-love to bewildered straight men to tackle his own DIY projects. But he obviously could have, if he wanted to!
Rating: Karamo with a Side of Karamo
14. Rosy Disposition, Episode 8
Roses are red, violets are blue, and this is a classic Karamo jacket through and through. Or something like that. The embroidered flower gives it a little extra oomph.
Rating: Karamo, And He Wants to Give You a Rose
13. The Magpie, Episode 1
This jacket is shiny and silvery and therefore good.
Rating: Karamo When He’s Feeling Extra
12. The Good Neighbor, Episode 6
This red jacket looks like something Fred Rogers might have worn for a hot date. Which is weirdly fitting, because Karamo is basically a more muscular Mr. Rogers with better facial hair. And many more bombers.
Rating: Karamo Reminding You You’re a Good Person, So Very Karamo
11. The Jock, Episode 1
Paired with a hoodie, this white letter jacket makes Karamo look like that one jock we all had crushes on in high school.
Rating: Karamo Asking You If You Want to Wear His Very-Karamo Letter Jacket
10. The Zig-Zag, Episodes 1, 2 and 3
While it can sometimes seem like Karamo’s supply of bombers is never-ending, he actually repeats jackets across episodes and seasons. This pale gray one—with rows of black and white stripes zig-zagging across the chest and back—is clearly a favorite. And it’s easy to see why: it matches at least eight of Karamo’s hats.
Rating: Classic Karamo
9. The Baskervilles, Episode 3
Houndstooth isn’t just for tweed blazers and Sherlock Holmes’s hat anymore. It’s also for shiny gray bombers with black-and-white accents. If I owned this one, I would accessorize it with a gigantic pipe and magnifying glass.
Rating: Karamo Starring in A Sherlock Reboot Except All the Mysteries Are About Missing Bombers
8. The Black Dahlia, Episode 7
A soft floral print softens up an otherwise hard-edged black bomber. I’m into it.
Rating: What I Picture When I Close My Eyes and Think of Karamo
7. The Black Dahlia Redux, Episode 8
Yes, Karamo owns at least two black bombers with a floral print. But this one is legitimately different, all right? The flowers are larger, and lighter in color. Different!
6. The Black Dahlia Double Redux, Episode 8
Yup, another black floral bomber. This time, though, the flowers are black, too. But they’ve got an interesting texture that really sets this jacket apart from the other black floral bombers in the list. Really! This is not sarcasm! This jacket is great!
5. The T-Swizz, Episode 3
Taylor Swift used to perform in a sequined bomber the color and texture of a mermaid’s tail. So it’s fitting that Karamo, who made a cameo in Taylor’s latest music video, has started wearing the hell out of a nearly identical jacket. And he looks like a glorious bald mermaid whenever he puts it on.
Rating: Karamo Getting Ready for A Night Out
4. The Crush, Episode 6
When the Fab Five first visit Deanna, her friends and relatives immediately rush up to Karamo, significantly more interested in petting this crushed velvet bomber than in figuring out why five strange men have just stepped inside their home. Obviously, they have their priorities in order. This jacket deserves every compliment it receives.
Rating: The Very Essence of Karamo
3. The Mad Bomber, Episode 5
It looks like a literal (glitter) bomb exploded all over this brightly colored, busily patterned bomber. It’s loud. It’s confusing. It’s spectacular.
Rating: An Explosion of All That Is Karamo
2. Golden Boy, Episode 4
I don’t know what Karamo wore to his wedding (which I’m sure was low-key amazing), but I like to imagine that he walked down the aisle in this black-and-gold, sequined bomber; and that his husband and all of his bridesmaids and groomsmen were wearing the same jacket; and that all of his wedding guests happened to buy it and coincidentally decide to wear it that day too, because it’s just that fabulous. Here’s to many more years of health and happiness, Karamo, and many more bedazzled bombers, too!
Rating: The Platonic Ideal of Karamo
1. Golden Boy 2.0, Episode 7
Wait, he owns at least two black formal bombers embellished with intricate gold floral patterning?
Rating: Too Karamo for Words