Lindsay Lohan Knows What Television Needs: Lots More Lohans

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People who enjoy stiff upper-lipped dramas where everyone wears suits and pops off witticisms in board meetings love to harp on about how we are in a golden age of television. But those of us who prefer shows where siblings scream at each other over objectively unimportant things worry that the Kardashians cannot fortify us indefinitely. The golden age of siblings crying at cameras could very well be be moving toward its late antiquity period.

Enter Lindsay Lohan, a boss bitch banger-maker, whose glorious foray into reality television, Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club was cruelly cut short by her lack of ability to run a beach club. But she’s got bigger television plans, which include pivoting to a skill set that’s always served her well: her ability to outshine siblings Aliana and Cody.

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According to Page Six, she is working on a sort-of reality television series about how easy it is for an alpha Lohan to manipulate betas:

“In an interview on Australia’s ‘Studio 10' this week, Lohan revealed that she’s ‘writing a TV series that will come out in America. Almost like a reality show, but not a reality show.’ (She’s currently Down Under filming “The Masked Singer.”)

Lohan went on to say that she will play at ‘kind of being a puppet master,’ and will star in the series with her siblings.”

As an American, I have to insist that we cannot keep allowing other countries to import our best Lohan at the expense of our own reality television supply. Gather the minor Lohans and force them to interact with their sister for our amusement.

But isn’t this just the idea for the short-lived E! series Living Lohan coupled with the basic premise of Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club, two shows that only aired one season, you might be asking. To which I respond it was that negative attitude that left us with no Lohan reality shows in the first place.

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