Marilyn Manson's New Paper Mag Cover: Nope.

Illustration for article titled Marilyn Manson's New Paper Mag Cover: Nope.

This is Paper magazine's new cover. Their last issue, with Kim K, was the #breaktheinternet edition. This issue is definitely going to #breakourpsyches. In three decades of obsessive magazine collecting, I have never seen a cover as scary as this one.

On second thought: Nononononononononononono. Nope. Oh, how we long for the innocent days of the Ass Wars, before this cover came along and ruined our ability to sleep for all eternity.

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He looks exactly like my friend Misty when she got super drunk at Grad Night and saw her ex kissing a girl from another school and cried through her mascara and wiped her eyes like "Whatever. I'm fine! Let's go on Space Mountain!" And then she threw up.