The fashion at Sunday night’s Academy Awards, the most relevant of all the irrelevant awards shows, was as tasteful and blandly elegant as expected. Charlize Theron looked gorgeous in red, Kerry Washington dared to be different in leather, and Best Supporting Actress winner Alicia Vikander killed it as the Oscars version of Belle. Many of the A- and B-listers let loose but not too much at the official Vanity Fair Party, where Taylor Swift and (moreso) Lorde donned the perfect “kill me” teen expressions, and which served as date night for the Timberlakes.

That platinum lamé slit dress is exactly something Kate Hudson would wear. Here’s Pregnant Anne Hathaway and Olivia Munn in flattering metallic patterns and Beverly Johnson looking beautifully Grecian.

Aubrey Plaza, Brie Larson and Rachel McAdams opted for lovely and light nude/blush garments.

Emily Ratajkowski basically wore a swimsuit with fabric underneath it. Sanaa Lathan is stunning but that doesn’t have much to do with her dress, and Gabrielle Union looks like she’s about to fuck somebody up so gracefully. This counts as a reserved look for Kate Upton.

The cool girls in black: Vanessa Hudgens, Taylor Swift’s Madame Tussaud’s wax figure and Lorde, who’s my savior. Swift’s haircut was the best decision she’s ever made in life.

What.

The gray ladies, Jessica Biel, Charlotte Rampling and Michelle Rodriguez.

“Where... Over... over here?”

Judd Apatow and Nick Jonas wore what guys wear, while Adrien Brody is like, “I’m so cool in this brown suit.”

It’s Ben Affleck! The love of our lives, who apparently “crossed paths” with Jennifer Garner.

All these ladies look amazing, but Jessica Alba looks the most HONESTly comfortable. Elizabeth Banks’ oversized pants with the top is a great combo and Sofia Vergara appears abnormally cinched yet breathtaking as usual.

Lady Gaga is having the time of her life with that beautiful specimen (Elton John).

Kerry Washington’s makeup is always enviable.

These people all look like they belong together.

This may be the best Rebel Wilson has looked but I don’t pay much attention to her. Someone told me Daisy Ridley is in Star War. Now somebody tell me what’s going on with her dress. Zooey?

He wants to go to bed so badly.

Not feeling the sleeves on this sheer look from Demi Lovato. Yellow pops perfectly on Marisa Tomei but the dress kinda bores. Adepero Oduye’s earth tone look is super regal. I’m figuring out whether I like Freida Pinto’s oversized belt.

What is Conan O’Brien’s hair doing? What is Rick Rubin’s hair doing? Is Andy Samberg thinking about ordering Seamless?

What’s happening here? Gwen Stefani is a fiery swan and Blake Shelton is incredibly UN-lit.

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend are thinking about eating dinner and then a snack and then a quickie and another snack.

Mary J. Blige and Thandie Newton are adorable.

Not really sure what’s going on with Mindy’s makeup here.

Whatever I said about Taylor Swift’s hair, Megyn Kelly’s is the opposite.

Loving these first two print dresses on Minnie Driver and Heidi Klum. Emma Roberts’ looks like couture bugs are attacking it.

Jeremy Renner seems lost: “Where’s the exit?” Mr. Robot’s Rami Malek is one of the few dudes who consistently tries. Anthony Mackie is your neighborhood auto salesman.

J. Law’s haircut and crop top are super on point; it’s what I’d wear to an Oscars afterparty.

Caitlyn Jenner’s cap sleeves and dress length are so off. That’s Sports illustrated’s cover star Ashley Graham. Dita Von Teese’s cone dress is kinda spectacular.

No one does a blank expression quite like Paula Patton.

Naomi Campbell never doesn’t look perfect.

I’m going to forgive Serena Williams for this wedding crop top by Galia Lahav.

Kudos to Whoopi Goldberg for the most drastic afterparty transition and these endearing clunky orthopedic gems, which my colleague Julianne says she’d definitely wear.


Contact the author at clover@jezebel.com.

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