Miracle Cancer Cures and Nuclear Fusion Are Tearing the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Apart!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills didn’t cement itself as a landmark in Bravo’s long-running franchise for the glitzy mansions, unfathomably large closets, or even for the famous-adjacent cast members like Lisa Rinna and Kyle Richards. No, the women of the 90210 are still kicking because of their deep, undying love for throwing expensive and extremely awkward dinner parties.

On Wednesday night’s episode, Kyle Richards threw herself a “welcome home party” after shooting a bit-part in the Halloween remakes. As one does, when they really want their friends to tell them how much they love and miss and cherish them. Anyway, the night got swiftly derailed when Richards, bless her heart, turned the conversation to Aaron Phypers, Denise Richards’s new husband. After fumbling through an explanation on what exactly it is he does for money, besides dating Denise Richards and performing Reiki therapy on rich divorceés in Malibu, Phypers began a long and lengthy tale about nuclear fusion reactors, curing cancer, and the mysterious men that follow him and Denise around Los Angeles.

Yep, that’s correct! According to Phypers and Richards, creepy cars—potentially sent by Big Pharma—hound the healer because his therapies produce “tremendous results” and “organizations don’t like to see those results because they make a lot of money otherwise.” Phypers then went on to claim that cancer only exists because it protects you from an “infection your immune system did not respond to and you would have died in 12 hours.” He continued: “It’s your best friend that protected you from something that’s going to shoot you in the head with a bullet. That’s what cancer is.”

Understandably, the women around the table seemed rather fearful for their own safety, just not from the mysterious man following Phypers and Richards around. Lisa Rinna, of course, was the only one brave enough to engage with his rants and claimed her own husband has been “very involved” in fusion energy, and even she was having trouble wrapping her brain around what Phypers was talking about. When Denise Richards asks him to stop spilling the secrets of his miracle cancer cures, for “our safety,” Phypers curtly informs her and the rest of the dinner party: “She’s protected.” From what, exactly, is still unclear.