Much Like Their Personal Lives, The Real Housewives of New York's Tag Lines Are So, So Bad

Illustration for article titled Much Like Their Personal Lives, The iReal Housewives of New York/is Tag Lines Are So, So Bad
Screenshot: Bravo

Allow me to present a theory: the tamer the Real Housewife tagline, the juicier the season.

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My evidence? The tenth season of Real Housewives of New York, per the trailer released in March, looks like it will be a rollicking good time, as everyone has seemingly spent the downtime between seasons honing their flair for the dramatic and practicing their cabaret skills. I will forgive these lovable demons for spouting lame things like “Come on, why cook when I can order room service?!” if it means that we get to watch a tight edit of Luann de Lessep’s life fall apart.

Here, for your reference, are the tag lines in full.

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The ninth season of this melodrama was not great; in return for the viewers’ loyalty, these women came up with some of the craziest shit for their tag lines. Please tell me that Sonja Morgan saying “There’s nothing Grey about my Gardens” doesn’t haunt you in your dreams at night; she’s talking about a house on Long Island, but she’s ALSO talking about her pubes, and don’t you fucking forget it!

Season 10’s best headline belongs to Ramona Singer, my favorite bug-eyed blonde, whose “Age is an issue of mind over matter: If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter!” is the kind of thing one would find on a t-shirt in Key West; everyone else, come on!

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

pibber
pibber can't swim

What would you housewives tagline be? Mine would probably be something ultra corny, like “I might be diabetic, but that doesn’t mean I’m sweet.” and then there would be a shot of me asleep on the couch with a giant lollipop stuck to my sweater because I declined to shoot the promo scene in a fucking ballgown.