Netflix has a movie coming out on August 10 called The Package, and it’s about a group of five teenage friends who go camping in the woods for spring break (okay, sure) and the havoc that ensues. The havoc, in fact, includes one of the teen boys apparently cutting off his own dick in an unfortunate incident involving the mishandling of an insanely sharp knife. (Yes, this is the previously announced severed penis eggplant emoji movie).
Watch the implied severing happen at 1:09 in the trailer above; there’s no visual, though I get the sense they’re saving that for the movie. There is other stuff: underage drinking, falling into lakes, crushes, and condoms, and boners, and the pursuit of boning. You know, good wholesome teen fun. The Package seems hilarious in a Blockers or Jackass kind of way, in that the humor stems from smart dialogue and stupid stunts. The movie stars Daniel Doheny from Alex Strangelove and Geraldine Viswanathan from Blockers, and I can’t wait to see it and be five percent more grossed out than I’d like to be. God bless the teens.