Illustration for article titled Pageant Queen Hannah B. Will Be the Next iBachelorette/i
Screenshot: The Bachelor/ABC

After a largely disappointing Bachelor season—and a finale that ended with a serenade by Adult Contemporary radio legends Air Supply (no joke)—Colton Underwood picked Cassie as the future maybe-bride who would get to deflower him. I look forward to not thinking about these two again for at least a few minutes, when the next season of The Bachelorette premieres, starring one of Colton’s rejected candidates, Hannah B.

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Yes, the 24-year-old pageant queen Hannah Brown—who once told Underwood she worried about “not being perfect” for her future husband because she’s not a virgin—is the next Bachelorette.

Hannah’s perceived innocence and commitment to purity fits the Bachelor’s template perfectly. I wouldn’t be surprised to see edits made to make her appear more adorkable while on a date with another blonde virgin like Colton. I only wish producers selected Tayshia for the role; she’s low-drama, adventurous, and clearly looking for lifelong partnership.

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Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out July 21.

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DISCUSSION

Had I downed a shot of booze every time Chris Harrison referred to Colton’s virginity last night, I wouldn’t be alive to type this right now. Plus by the end of the season that shit was soooooo tired and beaten to death. I mean, we get it, he hadn’t had sex (supposedly).

I swear there had to have been major collusion between him, Cassie and the producers for the story to have ended like it did.   Because her eventual reaction just didn’t add up.