Patti LuPone Is Out Here Talking Mad Shit

Stage legend Patti LuPone is an ideal talk show guest because she doesn’t give a fuck and she doesn’t have to. After all, she is Patti LuPone. On a 2017 episode of Watch What Happens Live, she famously described Madonna as a “movie killer” when discussing the movie version of Evita (LuPone originated the role on Broadway). She brought similarly delicious candor to Monday night’s Watch What Happens Live.

A brief rundown of the shit LuPone talked to host Andy Cohen:

• She despised Cats before the rest of the world did: “I saw it originally in London and hated it, and so I’m not surprised that it bombed onscreen.”

• She thinks Barbra Streisand is too old to play Rose in the film version of Gypsy that Streisand has been trying to get off the ground: “I think maybe 50 years ago, she would have been a brilliant Madame Rose… I think she’s too old. But again, there’s technology to change all that, but I don’t know whether mentally she has that kind of… hunger.”
• A reported meet-up over drinks with Glenn Close at Bar Centrale did not quite play out as it was portrayed in the press. “We didn’t grab drinks, she crashed our table,” said LuPone. “I was out with Jon Hamm, and Andrew Rannells and Glenn came and sat next to Jon Hamm. That’s what that was about.”

• She trashed her dressing room after getting fired from the West End production of Sunset Boulevard (in which Close replaced her as Norma Desmond).
• She had crabs twice.

• She actually had pretty nice stuff to say about a variety of stars, when she played a round of Are They a Movie Killer, a survey game based on her critique of Madonna.

However, in what seemed like an honest reaction that nonetheless dripped with shade, when asked about Christina Aguilera’s cinematic aptitude, LuPone responded, “Have I seen her in a movie?”

Chef’s kiss reaction. This is how you do a quarantined talk show: You get someone who will actually talk.