If there is a greater joy in this life than online shopping under the warmth of a comfy duvet, then I know it not.
Online shopping is a perfect experience. You get to browse through racks of clothes without having to search for your exact size or worry about accidentally dropping something and awkwardly putting it back on the hanger. There aren’t any annoying or snobby salespeople bothering the hell out of you. Plus, if you order enough things in one night, you might forget what exactly you bought and when then packages start staggering in, opening each box will sort of feel like Christmas morning.
Late night online shopping binges are one of my favorite online holes to fall down. They are often spurred by my desire for a specific outfit or look. (I once spent what was probably a solid two hours trying to recreate this outfit Beyoncé wore to Made In America.)
However, sometimes a late night shopping binge just happens. For some reason you click on that Topshop promotional email and decide to just check out their new stuff and BOOM: two and a half hours later, your inbox is flooded with notices that, “Your Order Has Been Confirmed!” along with that magical feeling of both shame and triumph.
A midnight online shopping binge is both comforting and energizing—the music should match that. And yes, I’m probably projecting too much meaning onto online shopping after dark, but here we are. Let’s jam.
1. Blu Cantrell, Hit ‘Em Up Style (Oops)
I mean, duh. This is the greatest song ever made about shopping. This is also great if you’re shopping for a revenge outfit. You know you’re going to run into your ex at a party soon and you’ve got to look fly. Or perhaps you finally need to prove to that girl in your circle who you don’t even like that you, and not her, are the Beyoncé of the group. Maybe you just want to flex on Instagram. Even though it’s about a bad breakup, this song still reminds me of that perfect Rihanna quote from the CFDA awards: “She can beat me, but she cannot beat my outfit.” HIT. ‘EM. UP. STYLE.
2. Beyoncé, “***Flawless”
It’s good to go into online shopping with high self-esteem because it requires a bit of creativity since you can’t actually try the clothes on. You’ve got to be confident that this item will look good on you—or at least confident in the store’s return policy. Twenty-five years are going to pass before we get another, “why yes, I am the baddest bitch” anthem that’s remotely close to “***Flawless.”
3. The Weeknd, “Earned It (Fifty Shades Of Grey)”
This song is included almost solely for the chorus:
‘Cause girl you’re perfect
You’re always worth it
And you deserve it
The way you work it’
Cause girl you earned it
Girl you earned it
It’s the motivation you need to be financially irresponsible and treat yourself. Girl, you earned it (probably).
4. Survivor, “Eye of the Tiger”
This is a marathon. At this point, it might be 1 AM. You could go to sleep. You could just curl into bed and not watch that ASOS runway video for the seventh time as you try to determine how that dress will fit on your hips. You, however, are in it for the long haul. Or at least until you find a free shipping coupon code.
5. Kelly Clarkson, “Miss Independent”
Kelly Clarkson always makes me feel good about myself. When I was younger, my mom used to bust me reading under the covers with a flashlight way past my bedtime. Now that I’m an adult, (sort of) I’m independent and I can stay up all night buying clothes if I want to. Kelly Clarkson’s career almost makes the last nine painful years of American Idol worth it.
6. Remy Ma, “Conceited (There’s Something About Remy)”
This song might be perfect. If us ladies ever finally get it together and establish our own Nation of Feminism, this will be the national anthem. This song makes me feel untouchable and inspires me to look to the future and think about how damn good my butt is going to look in those new jeans I just ordered.
7. Jennifer Lopez, “Love Don’t Cost a Thing”
I adore Jennifer Lopez, but the irony of one of the most gloriously indulgent divas in the business singing a song that dismisses materialism is very rich (ha). The video makes it even better. Although she does end up throwing it away in the end, the entire music video requires us to spend three minutes gazing upon all her dope shit. I love this woman.
8. Eve feat. Gwen Stefani, “Let Me Blow Ya Mind”
God how cool were Eve and Gwen Stefani? They’re both still pretty cool now, but around 2001, they were this awesome duo that shouldn’t have worked but totally did. Their collaborations always included the best outfits that also shouldn’t have worked but somehow looked amazing. They will remain my inspiration to push my style just a little bit further. Go ahead and buy those sandals that aren’t exactly “you.” “You” can change into someone who looks amazing in those sandals. Eve and Gwen both took a lot of style risks—helloooo boob paw print tattoo—and it paid off.
9. Montell Jordan, “This Is How We Do It”
I like to imagine myself at a dope 90s house party in my new outfit(s). Every party on Earth should begin and end with this song.
10. Drake feat T.I., Swizz Beatz, “Fancy”
This was the first Drake song I ever heard and I remember thinking it was mad cheesy but also super catchy and sort of great. Little did I know that my reaction would become the blueprint for Drake’s entire career. T.I. definitely could and should have sat this one out though.
11. Kanye West feat. Twista, Jamie Foxx, “Slow Jamz”
A solid wind down track is necessary. You clicked and browsed and zoomed in. Purchases have been made and now it’s time to wait—perhaps the only true annoyance of online shopping. Maybe it’s 2 or 3 AM and you have to be up in five hours to face the world. It might seem like you should have just taken your ass to bed and not have spent half your grocery money. But let the smooth sounds of Twista and Jamie Foxx soothe you and remember Kanye’s unfathomable dopeness back in his glory days. I like to think of it all as a night spent bettering myself and my closet. Just go with it.
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Illustration by Sam Woolley.