In May, a trailer for the live-action Sonic the Hedgehog movie dropped, and vocal fans complained about CGI Sonic’s apparently “too human” teeth. The beloved blue creature was taken back to the digital drawing board and Paramount pushed the movie back to a February 2020 release so it could be completely redesigned. I loved the original Sonic’s gigantic smile the way that I love the giant denture model that adorns every dental exam room—it was an aspirational image, in a way. But it doesn’t matter now. An updated trailer with Sonic’s new face has been revealed. It is not aspirational. He looks fine. I feel nothing.

However, I am slightly worried about the implications of forcing a cherished, childhood character to completely change his appearance at the drop of a hat. What, so even if his personality is great, all hedgehogs should expect to undergo treatment to appear more attractive to humanity? Is that why all celebrities have the same face and giant fake teeth covering their tiny real teeth? What message is this sending? Think of the kids?

Sonic the Hedgehog hits theaters on Valentine’s Day, in case you need a good date idea and are in the seventh grade.


It's facetious. Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands from NKOTB to BTS, is out 7/21/20.

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