Illustration for article titled Sources Say: Virgin Colton Underwood Will Very Likely Bone on iThe Bachelor/iem/em
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The next Bachelor is a big blonde baby named Colton Underwood who’s also a largely unremarkable 26-year-old virgin and former football player. His v-card status is already driving his upcoming season’s storyline, as it has been known to do in past Bachelor seasons, with a slight distinction: he’s not waiting for marriage to lose his virginity and he’s not a born-again virgin, like the only other Bachelor to boast of the title. Basically, Underwood could and might do the deed on TV.


According to TMZ and “sources” close to Colton, “the possibility of him losing his virginity on the show is very likely, and he’ll be willing to pull the trigger if he feels one of the finalists is THE ONE. Thing is ... Colton will have a shot at banging as many as 3 finalists ... if they accept his invitation to the fantasy suite and consent.” Sex possible! Thank you... “sources.”

That is true, because...that’s how the show works. But wow does it look like we’re gearing up for weeks of virginity jokes and sexual innuendos. Add in a murder mystery and you’ve got yourself an episode of UnREAL.

Senior Writer, Jezebel. My debut book, LARGER THAN LIFE: A History of Boy Bands, is out July 21.

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I literally cannot think of anything less sexy than watching some Spencer Pratt look-a-like virgin try to fuck for the first time.  I’m really trying, and I just can’t.