Statistically, a Lot More Bachelorette Contestants Have Secret Girlfriends

The Bachelorette’s new season premiered Monday night, and it was mostly uneventful, save for two major updates: Hannah Brown’s first impression rose went to Luke P., a guy who revealed in his promo that he had too much sex in college, so God came to him and he changed his tune; and she sent home Scott, a 28-year-old software sales executive from West Dundee, Illinois, before the rose ceremony on night one. He had a girlfriend, and Brown is not here to play. But doesn’t she realize that, statistically, there are probably more than a handful of guys on the show with women waiting for them back home if this thing doesn’t work out?

Here’s some simple math for you: according to a Gallup Analysis poll on millennials, marriage and family, 59 percent of millennials are single and have never been married. That means 41 percent are not single, have been married or are married. The 30 contestants on the Bachelorette—okay, the 29 remaining, before the ceremony—range in age from 23 to 33, so they are firmly millennial. What’s 41 percent of 29? Eleven (nearly 12) men on the show are not single, given the stats. However, seven additional men didn’t receive roses, and if she miraculously axed all the girlfriend-havers, there are still four men walking around Bachelor Mansion, sweating bullets, hoping they don’t get caught.

In the episode, Brown only realized Scott had a girlfriend because Demi Burnett and Katie Morton, both from Colton Underwood’s season of the Bachelor, spied on the guys while Brown was making the rounds at the cocktail party. Burnett revealed that someone sent her a DM alleging that Scott had a girlfriend, and sure enough, he did, because his reaction to confrontation was wack at best. He tried to compare having a girlfriend two days prior to filming to Brown’s journey for love on the Bachelor with Underwood? Has he seen this show before?

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I do appreciate that she uttered a terse, No, come on,” at him when she kicked him out, the way you might grow frustrated with a puppy when it begins pissing right inside the house, and on the door mat, and the lawn is right there, dammit.

See you never, Scott! See you in Bachelor in Paradise, Demi and Katie, probably!

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Maria Sherman

this is my day job: senior writer at jezebel