Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of Curb Your Enthusiasm

Illustration for article titled Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of iCurb Your Enthusiasm/i
Screenshot: HBO

With his shrunken Prada blazers and understated cashmere sets, Larry David is a stylish man. He’s been hailed as a “normcore” icon, he’s a GQ cover star, and clothes play a big part in Curb Your Enthusiasm, with David taking great care to preserve his suede jackets and dainty sweaters. It’s schlub-style, but it’s expensive schlub-style. The dorky dad aesthetic of David’s look has swung around again as indie kids embrace clunky white sneakers and dweeby khaki.

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But I’ve been binge-watching old Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes for the past month or so and I’ve got to say, I can’t believe we’re wasting so many words on David’s boring ’90s Gap schtick when Susie Greene is right there.

I MEAN...
I MEAN...
Screenshot: HBO
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Greene, played by Susie Essman, is the expletive-loving wife of Jeff Greene, David’s manager on the show. You can often find her screaming, “You sicko, perverted, fucko,” at various members of the show and threatening to kill Larry David with her own two hands. Obviously, she’s a woman after my own heart, dare I say all of our hearts? But her unbelievably tacky, bedazzled to death, bolero-filled wardrobe, is a character on the show itself.

Illustration for article titled Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of iCurb Your Enthusiasm/i
Screenshot: HBO

Where do you even get an off the shoulder, jewel-studded San Jose Sharks jersey? Why does Susie even own a San Jose Sharks jersey?

Illustration for article titled Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of iCurb Your Enthusiasm/i
Screenshot: HBO
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Is that... gold denim?

Illustration for article titled Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of iCurb Your Enthusiasm/i
Screenshot: HBO
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These cartoonish capri pants are giving me Fran Fine vibes.

Maybe you think I’m crazy, but the truth is tacky is in right now. Take one look at the mismatched prints, bright colors, and frumpy knits of brands like Gucci, Marc Jacobs, and Armani. What’s that old Chanel quote? Before you leave, take a look in the mirror and take one accessory off? The new quote should be, take a look in the mirror and put three more chunky necklaces on, because that’s the look.

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Illustration for article titled Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of iCurb Your Enthusiasm/i
Screenshot: HBO

Just admit it, you’re too scared to wear a beret, don’t think you can pull it off, and you envy this.

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Illustration for article titled Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of iCurb Your Enthusiasm/i
Screenshot: HBO

What’s even going on here? Is it a jacket or a blouse? Very Yohji Yamamoto meets Palm Beach if you think about it.

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Illustration for article titled Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of iCurb Your Enthusiasm/i
Screenshot: HBO

What, like you’ve never pulled off a casual I Dream of Jeannie moment in a mile-long fake ponytail extension?

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Illustration for article titled Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of iCurb Your Enthusiasm/i
Screenshot: HBO

In Susie Green’s world, if you have denim, you must embellish it. Embellish or die.

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Remember folks, do as Susie does: dress like a gaudy weirdo; dress out of your comfort zone once in a while, no matter what the sick fucks say.

Illustration for article titled Susie Greene Is the Real Style Icon of iCurb Your Enthusiasm/i
Screenshot: HBO

Pop Culture Reporter, Jezebel

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DISCUSSION

blairdow1
Rihanna is the one true

i love susie so much!!! you neglected to mention her amazing curls too